The month of May has challenged me as I celebrated our anniversary, our oldest son's birthday, remembered the anniversary of my Dad's death on Memorial Day weekend so many years ago but still vivid in my heart, the loss of Bill's dad, our children's Poppa Mills, when they were only 9, 7 1/2 and 4. There were busy days with recitals, concerts, and recognitions without my love sitting beside me, knowing what joy he would have had in seeing these accomplishments of our beloved granddaughters...all reminders of the beauty of this life and the healing that God has granted to us.
For me, each day still begins with thoughts of my loved one, missing him yet thanking God and praising Him for the gift of another day, asking for His Grace and seeking wisdom and an opportunity allowing me to be a light in someone's darkness each day.
We are all involved in the struggles of life in a fallen world, we still sin, yet we are called to "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus," and the full glory of the resurrection remains in our future. We have a choice to either listen to the deceiver who tries to make us think that our words don't matter or we can humbly walk with confidence in fellowship with Christ, radically dependent upon Him to direct our steps.
It only takes a short stroll through my home each morning for me to reflect upon God's Grace, His faithfulness and goodness in my life, to look at any of the framed photographs of my family, to pick up a Valentine's Day or anniversary card from the love of my life, placed on a shelf which are now even more precious, to read the words on my wall......In the morning when I rise, Give me JESUS, or to glance at a bookmark with the words, "I can do all things through CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. " (Phil. 4:13) I recently came across a journal of sermon notes, written in my love's hand, and have been reading some of what he wrote to share with inmates in his jail ministry years ago. I wanted to share some of those thoughts with you. He writes "that there are no shortcuts to maturity. It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christ-like character can't be rushed. Spiritual growth like physical growth takes time. Trying to ripen fruit quickly, either causes the fruit to lose its flavor or actually its flavor never develops. We worry about how fast we grow. God is concerned about how strong we grow, and views our lives from and for eternity, so He's never in a hurry." "Growth is often is often painful and scary, you must let go of the old ways to experience the new. Let go and let God. Habits take time to develop. You can't claim to have integrity unless it is your habit to always be honest. A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not faithful at all . There is only one way to develop Christ-like Character. Have a humble teachable attitude and allow God to shine the light of His truth on our faults and failures, only then can He begin to work on them. In another entry he writes about "our final home in heaven," "how we read a book and can hardly wait for the next page, (that's life here and now)." He continues "Eternity is the beginning of Chapter 1 of the most fantastic story you could possibly imagine, which no one has ever read before and which goes on forever and ever. Each chapter gets better than the one before. Just as the nine months you spent in your mother's womb, were not an end to your existence, but preparation for life, so this life is preparation for eternity. If you have a relationship with God through Christ Jesus, you don't have to fear death. It is the door to eternity. It will be your last moment on earth, but it won't be the last of you. Only the real beginning. Eternity measured against our life on earth is just a blink of the eye."
Last week, on a day in which I struggled, I decided to wash a lanyard upon which I've carried access entry cards for fitness room and pool areas during the last 8 years. It was given to my love by the US Naval Reserve at an air show we attended many years ago. He loved everything about aviation and we attended air shows on bases in Florida and Arkansas whenever we could. As toddlers, Katie, Lydia, and Natalie, and later Lia and Lily often accompanied us on our trips to NAS Pensacola and NAS Jacksonville. Lydia began to call the "Blue Angels" plane at the main gate on NAS Jacksonville, "Grandpa's plane," and she would announce as we entered the gate, "there's Grandpa's plane " That still brings a smile to my face as I visit NAS Jacksonville. As I prepared to toss the lanyard into the machine, I glanced at it, reading the words, "Stay strong" in quotes that looked like helicopter blades. That reminded me of the day, almost 44 years ago that I received a phone call from the duty officer stating that my husband had been involved in a hunting accident and was being brought in by helicopter to our little hospital in Adak, Alaska and I should meet them there. Those were his only words. I called our best friend and he took me to the designated place, less than a mile from our housing area and took charge of our 15 month old baby. Bill had gone caribou hunting in the tundra with two civilian friends. They had parked their vehicle, a jeep I think and hiked miles into an area on a fairly mild day (50's) in August. As they came to an area of somewhat mountainous terrain, they had to descend. One of the guys had already descended the rocky slope, did fine and it was Bill's turn. He felt that he had a better way of going down and began to slide, however he encountered a rock that entered his body, dangerously close to his spine and he began to bleed. One of the guys had a towel which they stuffed on the wound, and the other, who was a runner took off running the miles back to their vehicle to radio for help. My love told the story of how he began to pray and when the helicopter arrived, it was foggy and there was nowhere to land. He continued to pray that the fog would open up and they would be able to lift him into the helicopter. God answered that prayer, and gave us many more years to share together. Last week also, God in His still voice, whispered those words "stay strong" as a reminder of His grace and mercy in my life.
Three weeks ago on May 11th, just the day before what would have been our 46th wedding anniversary, I was able to visit the National Cemetery, my love's final earthly resting place, and place two roses. It was a beautifully serene experience with my family. That morning I had begun the study of Revelation. I journaled how the book is a "revelation" of Jesus Christ, to his servant John, a blessing and hope to the believer of the promises of Christ! John writes that he saw these things and was told to record them. "Blessed is he that readeth and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand." (Revelation 1:3) I asked God to strengthen me in "this waiting" period, not to allow circumstances to mar my faith or be deceived by Satan. (the day before, I had accidentally walked into the pool with my phone in my pocket).
In the days and weeks that have followed, God's Word in this book has been a blessing. It is a reminder of His Sovereignty, His promise, His purpose and revelation, that all are beyond our comprehension and yet all will be accomplished. His Word is precious and pleasing. He tells us to "preach the Word," not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord. Solomon reminds us to live wisely, "a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." (Proverbs 25:11) I've been reminded of the message of Jesus to us as I read these truths penned and inspired by God and to apply them to my life, to hold fast to that which is good, that in His power any obstacle that comes into my life can be overcome.
Words comfort, they also hurt. I was reflecting one morning of the lyrics to the song I used to sing with the preschoolers, "Be careful little eyes, what you see, be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little hands what you do, be careful little feet where you go, and be careful little mouth, what you say. For the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little ones what you do." In John 6:63, Jesus said, "It is the Spirit that quickened, the flesh profiteth nothing; the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit and they are life." And so, we teach our children and grandchildren to speak words of kindness.
Today, God's promise dwells in our hearts. We must live by faith. Paul writes to the church at Corinth. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair, Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body........Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. For which cause, we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 14-18)
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)
There is a sign on my front porch, on a piece of wood put together by my love on his workbench, one of the last "honey-do's" he did for me. He loved working with his hands, a Bible thought we often shared with the preschoolers in the years he worked by my side and told them to "work with your hands." The sign is a reminder to me as well as to any who visit....
It simply says..."Accept what is, Let go of what was, Have Faith in God's powerful GRACE."
