#MyJourney#Christmas#Healing#God’sPromises

On Saturday morning, I woke with a vision of a Gas price billboard that read $.93.  I had bought gas the day prior so that may have been on my mind.  I remember thinking that gas prices had increased by $.18 since I last topped off, less than a week ago and I wondered how long it had been since gas prices had been under $1.00.  I immediately was reminded of a ledger I began in 1972, after I purchased a new car, and began to budget for the additional expense.  Two months later, I moved to a new apartment and two months after that, God brought the love of my life into my world.  He was preparing the way for my coming journey.  The entries in my ledger continued and on the day of our marriage, 105 days after we met, Bill wrote the words, “our car” in the last column.  He made several entries on our honeymoon trip from Virginia to Florida and later dates and it blesses my heart to read those today.  That journal also detailed the expenses of our wedding trip. It is interesting to see during those days that gas ranged from 35 to 37 cents a gallon.  However, in the

next six months, the first year of our marriage,  when the OPEC oil embargo and energy crisis began, gas prices quadrupled, and it was not at all uncommon to wait in lines for long periods of time to purchase gas, or see cardboard signs stating, “Sorry, no gas today.”  I have kept that ledger because of the memories it holds, as well as the scribblings of our children who would pick it up, and draw in it from time to time through the years.

Saturday morning, I also remembered the significance of the day, December 7th, the anniversary that will not be forgotten in the annals of history, the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and the entry of the United States into World War II, after President Franklin Roosevelt went to Congress and asked for a declaration of war on December 8, 1941.  My parents were married four and one half months later.  I have thought often about my dad’s draft status, during that time, and realized that it was his age (he was 25) and low in the lottery selection or perhaps his job as a ship builder in Baltimore that kept him from being drafted.

My week had been busy.  Our girls had asked me Wednesday, “Grandma, when are you going to put up your tree?”  I began to reflect upon Christmas, what it means to me, the significance of my Christmas 2018, and  Christmas 2019, fast approaching.  I praise God for how He has blessed my life, how I have been loved beyond measure, for the healing that is still taking place in my heart and soul, often as He leads me to share with others.  The emotions I feel as I worship God through reading the promises of His Word or in worship services seem to break my heart and bring tears, as He speaks to me, orders my steps and gently guides and reminds me….“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.”  (Isaiah 55:8-9). “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8)

Last year, a new tradition began, as I attended a  Christmas Remembrance at Russell Haven of Rest honoring those who are no longer with us, placing an ornament on the Remembrance Tree in memory of our loved one.  I was blessed to share this with Billy and a friend on Monday, and our evening closed as we sang a Christmas carol in the dark and released white balloons toward heaven as we said our loved one’s name.

Early in the week, I had decorated a little artificial tree on the patio that Stephanie had given to me, as well as put lights on Bill’s memory tree that Billy bought for me last year.  It is a Norfolk Island Pine and has grown several feet in the last year.  After putting up the tree indoors on Thursday, adding more lights, ribbon garland and bows, it was with a mixture of sadness and joy that I began to place the ornaments on the branches over the next few hours.  There was the little steepled church with Bill’s name that sweet Mama Doris had given to him one year; the glass ornament with sand and star fish inside that I bought for him in Key West; the ceramic “For God so loved the World,” ornament showing a picture of a hand and a miniature world in the hand, and John 3:16 written on the back; the stained glass ornament with a picture depicting the town of Bethlehem, which I always place in front of lights, so the colors of the stained glass shine through; the nail attached to a reading entitled, “The True Meaning of Christmas,” reminding us of His love for you and me; the beautiful delicate angel given to me by one of my Discipleship girls years ago; the mouse in a basketball hoop holding a basketball which was Paul’s,  as well as the rocking horse reminding his dad and I of how, as a toddler, he would get out of bed in the middle of the night, get on his rocking horse, and rock back and forth until the creaking of the springs woke us up, Stephanie’s angels, snowmen and bears with her name and years inscribed, and a special one she gave me that says “Hugs and kisses for Mom,” one of Billy’s favorite Looney Tune characters; and one which shows a bear behind a pulpit with a Bible or hymnal that reminded us of how he loves to share the Word of God.  And there are pictures of our beautiful granddaughters and ornaments with their names on them that they gave to their Grandpa and I. 

I love Christmas, singing Christmas carols “Joy to the World,” “Away in a Manger,” “Silent Night,” “O Holy Night,” and the joy that fills my heart as I contemplate the reason we celebrate, JESUS, the heart of Christmas, and reading from the Gospels, Matthew and Luke, of the arrival of our promised Messiah. Joseph had been told in a dream…”do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for He will save his people from their sins, to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet.”  (Matthew 1:20-22). “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name “Immanuel” (which means, God with us)”. (Matthew 1:23)

Reflecting on Christmas days from the time I was a child to this day is a collage of memories, that of visiting a tree farm to choose a tree, tying it on top of the car, cutting off the bottom and placing it in a bucket while the furniture was moved to bring in the train platform with the hand made tree holder just large enough to hold the tree and secure it, the platform so large, it took up one fourth of our living room and made reaching the tree to decorate it somewhat difficult.  There was much anticipation as the train, villages, houses, light posts and people were placed in the appropriate spots, the wiring hidden and a skirt put up to hide the cords and finally, checking the cars on the tracks of two different trains to make sure they were lined up correctly, then watching our dad turn the switch on the train transformers.  Christmas morning was fun but only the beginning as we loaded the car and headed to my grandparents house in Maryland, where aunts and uncles and cousins would gather to share and make memories.  The kitchen was filled with chairs, benches, most of the adults  (and those of us who wanted to be with the grownups) and the living room that held the tree, filled with adult grandchildren, teens, and little ones of all ages, overflowing to the porch and Grandpa’s woods up the road, and the fields surrounding the farm.  If we had snow, we would grab our sleds, carry them the 1/2 mile to the road from the country lane where the house was, slide down the hill, walk back up and do it over and over again.  If there was enough snow, we would coax Grandpa to get out the horse and sleigh and await our turn for a sleigh ride.  Grandma and Grandpa’s 11 living children (9 girls) and (2 boys) would open their small gifts of socks, or slippers, sometimes nylon stockings, or dish towels, and for the boys, usually a box of candy, a tie or socks as everyone watched and then Grandma and Grandpa would open their abundance of gifts.  Most of the time, I had been charged with wrapping the gifts for Grandma so I knew what they were before hand.  The cousins didn’t mind not getting gifts, there were too many of us (our total was 67) before my grandma passed after 70 years of marriage and my grandpa passed the next year.  We had popcorn, tangerines, nuts, cookies,   sometimes candy cane sticks and we knew that Grandpa would pass around his big boxes of chocolates and we would try not to get caught squeezing the candy to see what was inside.  There were bags of hard candy, ribbon candy and chocolate drops to share and always a new game that someone had brought, so we would gather around the table with the wood burning stove warming the house. I’m so thankful that I got to spend 28 Christmases with my grandparents.  My last Christmas with them, was as a bride of 7 1/2 months as I  introduced my love to a farmhouse Christmas and we shared news of our expected first baby the next spring. I was also blessed to see them hold our first two babies in their arms when God brought us home to the lower 48 in 1975 when we took emergency leave from the Aleutian Islands after the death of a family member.  That was the last time I saw my grandmother before she passed.  I was able to see my grandfather and spend time with him at her memorial service and then one more time the next year and he was able to hold our third baby in his arms.  He passed away the last day of that year.    

It would take pages for me to share the memories of our Christmas celebrations as the Mills’ family, but I remember each with a joyful heart.  Bill and I were blessed to celebrate 45 Christmases together, in Maryland, Alaska, Washington state, Pennsylvania, Florida, Alabama and Florida again, not always blessed to be with all of our children together, because of distance and circumstances, but they always began with the recognition that Christ was the reason we celebrated, and the reading of the Christmas story.  We loved Candlelight worship services on Christmas Eve, often sharing as a family member read or sang.  I can picture our home or the home of friends and family as each of our children celebrated their first Christmas, in Alaska, Washington State, and Florida.  There was the Christmas when our three children were toddlers, and Bill had just come home from Saudi Arabia, and had pneumonia but he was home and for that we were thankful.  God had worked all things for good.  Years later, he spent a Christmas in the hospital.  Our trip to Alabama was postponed, our Bama kids came to Florida and we celebrated a late Christmas when he came home, so excited our daughters in love were with us and with the knowledge there would be a new grandbaby the next year.  I remember the first Christmas of each granddaughter, though some were shared only by pictures or in phone calls.  I am reminded of years when our three were young adults, coming home for Christmas, bringing buddies and words they shared, “mom,  the lights on the house look so beautiful.  Thanks for welcoming me home that way.”  Most importantly, I remember our love for each of them, their love for their dad and I, their love for Jesus Christ and the desire to share the Gospel with others and magnify the LORD!  

So, dear friends, if you perhaps are experiencing your first Christmas without your loved one, grieving, feeling painful memories, alone and discouraged, without hope, hurting and in difficult circumstances, be assured that you are not alone, and allow God to shower you with His Redeeming Grace.  “What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.  And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.”  (Matthew 10:27-30)

If you do not know Christ, I pray that you will not be indifferent to the true message of Christmas.  That this will be the time that you ponder what it means to truly worship and follow Him and passionately declare His Gospel to others.   

All GLORY to GOD!