#MyJourney#Christmas#Healing#God’sPromises

On Saturday morning, I woke with a vision of a Gas price billboard that read $.93.  I had bought gas the day prior so that may have been on my mind.  I remember thinking that gas prices had increased by $.18 since I last topped off, less than a week ago and I wondered how long it had been since gas prices had been under $1.00.  I immediately was reminded of a ledger I began in 1972, after I purchased a new car, and began to budget for the additional expense.  Two months later, I moved to a new apartment and two months after that, God brought the love of my life into my world.  He was preparing the way for my coming journey.  The entries in my ledger continued and on the day of our marriage, 105 days after we met, Bill wrote the words, “our car” in the last column.  He made several entries on our honeymoon trip from Virginia to Florida and later dates and it blesses my heart to read those today.  That journal also detailed the expenses of our wedding trip. It is interesting to see during those days that gas ranged from 35 to 37 cents a gallon.  However, in the

next six months, the first year of our marriage,  when the OPEC oil embargo and energy crisis began, gas prices quadrupled, and it was not at all uncommon to wait in lines for long periods of time to purchase gas, or see cardboard signs stating, “Sorry, no gas today.”  I have kept that ledger because of the memories it holds, as well as the scribblings of our children who would pick it up, and draw in it from time to time through the years.

Saturday morning, I also remembered the significance of the day, December 7th, the anniversary that will not be forgotten in the annals of history, the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and the entry of the United States into World War II, after President Franklin Roosevelt went to Congress and asked for a declaration of war on December 8, 1941.  My parents were married four and one half months later.  I have thought often about my dad’s draft status, during that time, and realized that it was his age (he was 25) and low in the lottery selection or perhaps his job as a ship builder in Baltimore that kept him from being drafted.

My week had been busy.  Our girls had asked me Wednesday, “Grandma, when are you going to put up your tree?”  I began to reflect upon Christmas, what it means to me, the significance of my Christmas 2018, and  Christmas 2019, fast approaching.  I praise God for how He has blessed my life, how I have been loved beyond measure, for the healing that is still taking place in my heart and soul, often as He leads me to share with others.  The emotions I feel as I worship God through reading the promises of His Word or in worship services seem to break my heart and bring tears, as He speaks to me, orders my steps and gently guides and reminds me….“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.”  (Isaiah 55:8-9). “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8)

Last year, a new tradition began, as I attended a  Christmas Remembrance at Russell Haven of Rest honoring those who are no longer with us, placing an ornament on the Remembrance Tree in memory of our loved one.  I was blessed to share this with Billy and a friend on Monday, and our evening closed as we sang a Christmas carol in the dark and released white balloons toward heaven as we said our loved one’s name.

Early in the week, I had decorated a little artificial tree on the patio that Stephanie had given to me, as well as put lights on Bill’s memory tree that Billy bought for me last year.  It is a Norfolk Island Pine and has grown several feet in the last year.  After putting up the tree indoors on Thursday, adding more lights, ribbon garland and bows, it was with a mixture of sadness and joy that I began to place the ornaments on the branches over the next few hours.  There was the little steepled church with Bill’s name that sweet Mama Doris had given to him one year; the glass ornament with sand and star fish inside that I bought for him in Key West; the ceramic “For God so loved the World,” ornament showing a picture of a hand and a miniature world in the hand, and John 3:16 written on the back; the stained glass ornament with a picture depicting the town of Bethlehem, which I always place in front of lights, so the colors of the stained glass shine through; the nail attached to a reading entitled, “The True Meaning of Christmas,” reminding us of His love for you and me; the beautiful delicate angel given to me by one of my Discipleship girls years ago; the mouse in a basketball hoop holding a basketball which was Paul’s,  as well as the rocking horse reminding his dad and I of how, as a toddler, he would get out of bed in the middle of the night, get on his rocking horse, and rock back and forth until the creaking of the springs woke us up, Stephanie’s angels, snowmen and bears with her name and years inscribed, and a special one she gave me that says “Hugs and kisses for Mom,” one of Billy’s favorite Looney Tune characters; and one which shows a bear behind a pulpit with a Bible or hymnal that reminded us of how he loves to share the Word of God.  And there are pictures of our beautiful granddaughters and ornaments with their names on them that they gave to their Grandpa and I. 

I love Christmas, singing Christmas carols “Joy to the World,” “Away in a Manger,” “Silent Night,” “O Holy Night,” and the joy that fills my heart as I contemplate the reason we celebrate, JESUS, the heart of Christmas, and reading from the Gospels, Matthew and Luke, of the arrival of our promised Messiah. Joseph had been told in a dream…”do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for He will save his people from their sins, to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet.”  (Matthew 1:20-22). “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name “Immanuel” (which means, God with us)”. (Matthew 1:23)

Reflecting on Christmas days from the time I was a child to this day is a collage of memories, that of visiting a tree farm to choose a tree, tying it on top of the car, cutting off the bottom and placing it in a bucket while the furniture was moved to bring in the train platform with the hand made tree holder just large enough to hold the tree and secure it, the platform so large, it took up one fourth of our living room and made reaching the tree to decorate it somewhat difficult.  There was much anticipation as the train, villages, houses, light posts and people were placed in the appropriate spots, the wiring hidden and a skirt put up to hide the cords and finally, checking the cars on the tracks of two different trains to make sure they were lined up correctly, then watching our dad turn the switch on the train transformers.  Christmas morning was fun but only the beginning as we loaded the car and headed to my grandparents house in Maryland, where aunts and uncles and cousins would gather to share and make memories.  The kitchen was filled with chairs, benches, most of the adults  (and those of us who wanted to be with the grownups) and the living room that held the tree, filled with adult grandchildren, teens, and little ones of all ages, overflowing to the porch and Grandpa’s woods up the road, and the fields surrounding the farm.  If we had snow, we would grab our sleds, carry them the 1/2 mile to the road from the country lane where the house was, slide down the hill, walk back up and do it over and over again.  If there was enough snow, we would coax Grandpa to get out the horse and sleigh and await our turn for a sleigh ride.  Grandma and Grandpa’s 11 living children (9 girls) and (2 boys) would open their small gifts of socks, or slippers, sometimes nylon stockings, or dish towels, and for the boys, usually a box of candy, a tie or socks as everyone watched and then Grandma and Grandpa would open their abundance of gifts.  Most of the time, I had been charged with wrapping the gifts for Grandma so I knew what they were before hand.  The cousins didn’t mind not getting gifts, there were too many of us (our total was 67) before my grandma passed after 70 years of marriage and my grandpa passed the next year.  We had popcorn, tangerines, nuts, cookies,   sometimes candy cane sticks and we knew that Grandpa would pass around his big boxes of chocolates and we would try not to get caught squeezing the candy to see what was inside.  There were bags of hard candy, ribbon candy and chocolate drops to share and always a new game that someone had brought, so we would gather around the table with the wood burning stove warming the house. I’m so thankful that I got to spend 28 Christmases with my grandparents.  My last Christmas with them, was as a bride of 7 1/2 months as I  introduced my love to a farmhouse Christmas and we shared news of our expected first baby the next spring. I was also blessed to see them hold our first two babies in their arms when God brought us home to the lower 48 in 1975 when we took emergency leave from the Aleutian Islands after the death of a family member.  That was the last time I saw my grandmother before she passed.  I was able to see my grandfather and spend time with him at her memorial service and then one more time the next year and he was able to hold our third baby in his arms.  He passed away the last day of that year.    

It would take pages for me to share the memories of our Christmas celebrations as the Mills’ family, but I remember each with a joyful heart.  Bill and I were blessed to celebrate 45 Christmases together, in Maryland, Alaska, Washington state, Pennsylvania, Florida, Alabama and Florida again, not always blessed to be with all of our children together, because of distance and circumstances, but they always began with the recognition that Christ was the reason we celebrated, and the reading of the Christmas story.  We loved Candlelight worship services on Christmas Eve, often sharing as a family member read or sang.  I can picture our home or the home of friends and family as each of our children celebrated their first Christmas, in Alaska, Washington State, and Florida.  There was the Christmas when our three children were toddlers, and Bill had just come home from Saudi Arabia, and had pneumonia but he was home and for that we were thankful.  God had worked all things for good.  Years later, he spent a Christmas in the hospital.  Our trip to Alabama was postponed, our Bama kids came to Florida and we celebrated a late Christmas when he came home, so excited our daughters in love were with us and with the knowledge there would be a new grandbaby the next year.  I remember the first Christmas of each granddaughter, though some were shared only by pictures or in phone calls.  I am reminded of years when our three were young adults, coming home for Christmas, bringing buddies and words they shared, “mom,  the lights on the house look so beautiful.  Thanks for welcoming me home that way.”  Most importantly, I remember our love for each of them, their love for their dad and I, their love for Jesus Christ and the desire to share the Gospel with others and magnify the LORD!  

So, dear friends, if you perhaps are experiencing your first Christmas without your loved one, grieving, feeling painful memories, alone and discouraged, without hope, hurting and in difficult circumstances, be assured that you are not alone, and allow God to shower you with His Redeeming Grace.  “What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.  And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.”  (Matthew 10:27-30)

If you do not know Christ, I pray that you will not be indifferent to the true message of Christmas.  That this will be the time that you ponder what it means to truly worship and follow Him and passionately declare His Gospel to others.   

All GLORY to GOD!

#GODSDESIGN#REDEMPTION#MYLIFE#FINDINGGRACE

It has been several months since my last blog.  I've been reminded but it is always about God's timing and leading me to share.  I recently heard a message referencing Acts 3: 6 where the man lame from birth was being carried to the temple and laid at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate.  As the crowd gathered to hear Peter's sermon and Peter gazed upon the man, he tells the man, "Silver and Gold have I none, but such as I have, give I thee, In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk."    Years ago, we often sang these words as a praise and worship chorus in our Sunday night fellowship in our home in Alaska, and I remember this verse every day.  I have thought about this message often in the last few weeks and was reminded today of the words in Acts 13 where Barnabas and Saul are commissioned by the Holy Spirit and are sent on their first missionary journey.  As Paul now takes the reins of leadership and shares his first recorded message, he emphasizes that JESUS is the Christ.  As the people continue to gather and are persuaded to continue in "the Grace of God, Paul and Barnabas boldly proclaim in Acts 13:47 "For so hath the Lord commanded us, saying, I HAVE  SET THEE TO BE A LIGHT OF THE GENTILES, THAT THOU  SHOULDST BE FOR SALVATION UNTO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH." 

It’s interesting how God orchestrates our steps.  What we sometimes plan for our day is totally changed as He leads in a different direction, to set our hearts upon Him. “ Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.”  Psalm 119:133

This morning, I remembered that last night, I had decided to place cleaning under furniture on my “to do” list.  This was brought about as I took off my rings and dropped one, as I was getting ready to go to bed, shortly after midnight.  I looked all around the area rug and the chair where I had been sitting/sleeping and could not find the ring.  It brought back memories of the multiple times my love and I would search for a nail, anchor or screw that he had dropped as he was working on a project and I was helping.  Sometimes it would go in a totally different direction, three or more feet from where it had fallen and it would take a few minutes to find it.  I can’t even begin to count the number of times this has happened recently.  I finally went for the flashlight and looked under the recliner and saw the ring, as well as lots of dust particles, and crumbs, lurking under the chair, illuminated by the bright light of the flashlight, just as the sin in our lives, is revealed by the light of His Word.

I awoke early even though I had set my alarm for later than usual.   My favorite tool for cleaning under furniture is my love’s long metal yard stick,  around which I wrap moistened paper towels or a cleaning cloth.  So, of course, this morning that was my tool of choice.  One of his favorite phrases was “jury rigging,” and I thought of that as I worked.  As I attempted to clean the love seat/rocker recliner, which I can not move, it becomes a challenge, because of the coils, etc. and required a lot of movement on my part, lying on the floor, trying to clean from the front, sides and back, with not much room between the love seat and wall.  I then did my recliner, end table, coffee table, and decided since I was armed with the flashlight and had the yard stick in hand, to move on to the kitchen.  As I worked, God began to sow seeds of spiritual wisdom, as He loves to do in our hearts and souls.  How often our lives are cluttered with all that is going on around us, our family and friends, many whom are going through hurting and difficult times, navigating changes in our own lives, hearing political power struggles which are ever present when we turn on the news or pop up on news alerts on our phones and devices.  I’m grateful for the light of God’s Word that shines in our hearts and reveals the hidden sin in our lives and lifts us into His everlasting Hand.  Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

As I worked in the kitchen, cleaning under the refrigerator and then the stove, which I have done on several occasions but not as often or as well as I should, I shined the flashlight again.  I was amazed at the dirt, and construction debris that appeared on my cloths as I pulled the yardstick out, time and time again.  I decided to use a dish towel that was about to be thrown in the washing machine.  Again, there were bits of ceiling particles, unpopped kernels of a bag of popcorn I had spilled at some point, all under the stove which is built in and cannot be pulled out.  It was all going well until the dish towel got lodged under the stove.  My attempts to get it out were at first futile.  I then opened the stove drawer but it was not able to be removed from the stove.  I continued to work and went to the garage to see what I could find to reach the cloth.  I found a slim curtain rod, and  thought of the refrain to the hymn, “Washed in the blood of the Lamb,” and how we are washed in the soul-cleansing blood of the Lamb.”  The refrain asks if our garments are spotless, and white as snow?”  As I sang the words, and began to piece together the verses, I suddenly realized I needed to know who had written this beautiful hymn of redemption.

My search found that it was written by Elisha A. Hoffman, who was born in Pennsylvania on May 7, 1839, of German Dutch ancestry and grew up in the Philadelphia area.  My ancestry is Pennsylvania German Dutch, I and my dad were born in Pennslyvania, my dad’s birthday was May 7th, and I felt an immediate connection to this man of God who pastored churches, composed over 2,000 hymns and touched the hearts of thousands with the lyrics of his songs.  He also wrote, “I Must tell Jesus,” {“Tempted and tried, I need a great Saviour, one who can help my burdens to bear; He all my cares and sorrows will share.  O how the world to evil allures me:  O how my heart is tempted to sin! I must tell Jesus, and He will help me, Over the world the vict’ry to win.}. 

I’m so very thankful for how God’s plan goes beyond our feeble attempts and achieves His purpose, is in us, and for us and works through us.  He does not evade us but knows our thoughts and give us the promise of everlasting salvation.  “For thus says the LORD, who created the heavens (he is GOD!), who formed the earth and made it. (He established it; he did not create it empty, He formed it to be inhabited!);  I am the LORD, and there is no other.”  Isaiah 45:18

So as God has spoken to me today and to those reading these words and perhaps struggling with pain, circumstances beyond your control or in need of encouragement, remember the promise of our LORD and Savior, “even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you.  I have made and I will bear; I will carry and will deliver you.  To whom will you liken me and make me equal, and compare me, that we may be alike?  Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning, and. From ancient times things not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.”  Isaiah 46:4, 5, 8-10

To GOD BE ALL GLORY!

TRUST GOD'S HEART

#Embrace#Courage#Trust#Protection#Mercy#Deliverance#Waiting#SteadfastHope
#AlwaysGRACE

God's Sovereign Design

This blog has been rooted in my heart for over six weeks but has been delayed by God's design.  I embrace His sovereignty and rejoice that the thoughts swirling around in my mind for so many weeks, can now be put down on paper.  As we read in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."  God has taken me through a learning season that began 41 days ago and today marks a new beginning.  A new day begins as one ends and our life is impacted every  time we welcome the lessons Christ reveals to us!  He is in the waiting.   Last week, as I finished my study in Revelation and was rejoicing in the promise of Chapter 22,  "And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely," available only through faith in Christ Jesus,  I thought of the words that we are not to add unto these things or to take away from the words of the book of this prophesy, and the mandate He has given us to evangelize the World.  I journaled that morning, "O Lord, how I long to see you to look upon your face.  Come, Lord Jesus." 

In the quiet of that day, and the family still sleeping,  I lay on my granddaughter's bed, given up for Grandma, and contemplated on where God would direct my next study.  He led me to the Book of Psalms and I was thankful for what was to come, opportunities to learn new truths and be encouraged,  to shout praises to God, to be comforted and blessed by the truths of His Word.  As I have read this last week of David's confidence in God, his prayers for trust, protection, mercy and deliverance, I have been filled with joy as God's shield continues to encompass me, knowing that God will give courage and steadfast hope, no matter what lies ahead.  The blessings of the righteousness of God cannot be numbered.  I give all glory to God for hearing the voice of my weeping in these last weeks.  As I struggled to manage pain, it was the assurance of His Word that I was His and His still small voice that gave me always sufficient Grace.

A few weeks ago, as I talked with our oldest son, he told me that our oldest granddaughter wanted to know when I was going to write my next blog.  I was touched because I was unaware that she had read any of them.  This morning, as I walked through the garage to take out the trash, I paused at the dresser, to see if there were any additional odds and ends that had accumulated and could be thrown away.  God prompted me to open a few drawers to see what they held, and among the ribbons, paint, brushes and markers, I came across a book that I started for our granddaughters 15 years ago.  It was a gift for me to fill with thoughts, perhaps wisdom that I have learned from my life and to be passed on to let them know how special they are to me and that my heart goes with them throughout their journey.

I thought about our current "Imperfect Family" study at Reverb and the points given about how God has prepared before hand the good works that our children should walk in and the plans He has ordained.  Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."  It reminded me of when I was a prodigal, attending a Bible study and those who mentored and impacted my life.  It was there that God convicted me of my need for a Savior and His spirit drew me, and at home later, I knelt and I trusted Him as my Lord.   I remember as a new believer, a Chaplain's wife standing beside me and praying as our daughter was in the midst of a febrile seizure and what her encouragement meant to me.  And I  remember a teacher encouraging scripture memory and how my hunger for the Word grew.  My love and I were imperfect parents, but we loved our children and tried to point them to Christ and we are thankful that God's Grace has rested upon them.

So, dear sweet granddaughters of ours, the following paragraphs are just a few excerpts written by your imperfect Nonna/Grandma, the one who loves you and has pictures of you all over my walls, shelves and tables.  I think you are special because "you are gifts from God, and were created in love, you are beautiful, your smiles light up the room, you are loved by your mommies and daddies and that brings joy to my heart, and watching your Poppa/Grandpa, our sons and our daughter, your auntie hold you in their arms has been a blessing for which there are no words."

"It is my hope that you will learn to make good choices in life, even small decisions are important, and some will be tough.  If you think before you choose, you will know what is right.  Do not compromise your values or follow some one who is making a wrong choice.   You might need to confront them in love, even though it hurts.  Right is right, God's truth is absolute, and we must be obedient to that truth.  Always choose to forgive even though you may feel you have been wronged.  It may be tough and hurt, but holding unto hurt will only give you a grouchy heart.  Being the first to say, "I am sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me, I love you" is a sign of strength and love and the Lord always directs when you listen to His voice.  Stand fast in the Lord and treasure Him, above all.  Remember that the "joy of the LORD is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10), so choose to smile, laugh and dance with joy.  Some things to get you through storms, because they do not last forever, and rainbows only show up after the rain:  Pray, read God's Word, talk with family and friends, laugh, and follow God's directions - He promises never to leave or forsake us.  Choose your friends for their heart and character.  They are someone to laugh with, they make life fun, and a good friend will give you the biggest half of the cookie."

"Love reading and treasure books that take you places you may never go in your life.  My favorite book as a child was Heidi and I read it over and over and one of you always wanted to read from it before going to bed.  Today, my favorite book is the Bible.  Read it, study it and memorize it. Remember that Jesus is our example, "He humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." (Philippians 2:8)  Look for Godly examples in those who love the Lord and serve Him faithfully.  Truthfully, we are all prideful, but God can still use us when we submit and humble ourselves before Him. (1 Peter 5:6). God always knows what His children need, and His timing is always right.  He is never early or late.  "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD, and turn away from evil."  (Proverbs 3:5-7)

"Lastly, think happy thoughts and remember to smile.  It's fun to be around people that smile.  Some things that make me smile every time I think of them are:  the day God brought your Grandpa/Poppa into my life, the day we were married, the day each of our babies were placed in my arms, and seeing them in their Daddy's arms, the day our sons, your daddies married your momma's, and 2 daughters in love were added to our family, the special time I have with our daughter, and am reminded of the sacrifices and care she has given to me in the last months, the love and encouragement from our sons, your dads,  our first glimpse of each of you after God brought you into the world and we held you for the first time, silly days and fun tea parties with Poppa, reading books, visits to the library, overnights, baking cookies, occasionally doing our nails in bed, visits to the playground, birthday parties,  and just spending time together.  Trust God's heart as much as He loves yours, He is the one constant in your life, no matter what else happens.   Always show kindness, love others and shine bright for Jesus, multiply happiness by sharing it with all those around you, and your days will be blessed."

#LOVE#LIFE#MEMORIES#BASEBALL

This month's blog is a little different.  As June ended and July approached,  I was unsure of what God would have me share.  I celebrated the 3rd, encouraged by my loved ones, the day our loved one would have celebrated his 77th birthday, missing him and with some sadness, but rejoicing that he is "home," spent the 4th with family and enjoyed meeting new friends, and then left on the 5th, the 18th month anniversary of Bill's earthly mission completed, for a weekend trip with our daughter to relax and enjoy some time together.  I thought of writing and sharing of some of the "45" July 4th memories that God allowed me to share with the love of my life, each unique in a special way, in fact did share in my journal to my granddaughters so they would be able to read them at a future time.

Awoke early this morning, the eve of the birthday of our youngest son, remembering that day as well as the days, months, and years preceding and following it.  There are moments in our lives that completely change the direction of our paths and God sets us on another incredible journey.

Last night, as I was watching the All-Star game and thinking of how it is always at the same time and the same week each year, I suddenly had to know when it occurred in 1978.  I can't remember when I was not a baseball fan.  My dad loved baseball, he was a Phillies fan, and though I lived in south central Pennsylvania, my mom was from Maryland, Baltimore was the closest baseball city to my hometown, so I became an Orioles fan.  I had a radio in my room and often got in trouble for having the games on late in the evening because there had been a rain delay or there was a double-header.  I would turn it down low, but more often than not, I would get caught and my mom would tell me "turn off that radio."  One of my aunts and her husband often went to Baltimore with their two sons, my cousins.  They were the only family members that lived in town, most of the others in my large family were farmers like my grandparents, so occasionally I would get invited to go with them to a game in Baltimore.  It was so much fun.  Our seats were usually high in the "nosebleed section," but that didn't matter.

When I was 21, God led me to Virginia, and I worked in Washington, D.C., and the Washington, Senators, were added to my list of teams, until they left and became the Texas Rangers, but the Orioles remained my favorite team.  When I was transferred to New York with my company, they played against the New York Mets in the 1969 World Series.  Most of my coworkers were either Mets or. Yankees fans, so I was the lone Orioles fan in the office.  As the years went by, and God brought Bill into my life, and we got married,  NFL football became our number one sport.  It was our first topic of conversation, we were both Miami Dolphins fans, and our schedules did not allow for much baseball viewing in our first year.

However, that changed as we awaited the birth of our first baby in the spring of 1974.  Bill would come home from work, and if he did not have fast pitch softball practice or a game, he would turn on our little TV in our little apartment in Millington, Tennessee, to check out Hank Aaron's quest to tie Babe Ruth's lifetime home run record, and then hit his 15th  and 16th career grand slam home runs, passing the record in the National League.  It was also the year that Nolan Ryan (California Angels) struck out 19 Red Sox batters but hit the second baseman Doug Griffin in the head with a fastball.  He was known for his wildness at that time and opposing hitters were more concerned about being struck, than their ability to square it up.  Later that year Hank Aaron was traded to the Milwaukee Brewers and would finish his career in Milwaukee where he started in 1954.  We were in the Aleutian Islands during the next three years, 1974-1977, so neither baseball or other sports were accessible to us and we only heard about sports events after the fact.  Bill was busy playing fast pitch softball during the Spring and off island for a tournament one year.

Back to the 1978 All-Star game.  Because we had not watched baseball for three years prior, nor other sports, and I was a busy mom with two toddlers and expecting another baby, it was not on my radar, and I was unaware of baseball in the news!  On July 10th, 1978, in the early evening, all of us took a walk around our neighborhood in Northeast Florida, as was our evening family custom.  That night, Grannie Mills was with us.  She and Poppa Mills had come to visit so they could be with Paul and Stephanie when I went into the hospital, however, since I was almost two weeks overdue, Poppa had gone back home, getting tired of waiting, and missed his tinkering around their home in Central Florida. As we walked, I asked Paul, probably to get rid of some of his energy, if he wanted to jog with Mommy.  Of course, he said yes, and we jogged a little way around the circle which was our usual path.  Several hours later, I woke up, realizing my water had broken, got Mama up and told her we were heading to the hospital at NAS Jacksonville.  It was a long labor, I was squeezing Bill's hand so tightly, he had to stop and take his wedding band off.  At 11:55 AM, we joyfully welcomed our second son, naming him after his Dad.  I spent a few hours resting, then began to walk around the hall, stopping at a phone booth, to call my sister-in-love, who was also pregnant, due before I was, and telling her that our baby had arrived.  That night, about 12 hours later, her son was born.  Later in the evening, Bill had gone home to get Mama, Paul and Stephanie, and I was able to wave to them from the window in my room, but they were not allowed to come up.  Stephanie, who was 2, cried, heartbroken because she could not understand why her mommy would not come down and she could not come up.

I may have had a TV in my room, don't really remember, and so I didn't realize that July 11th was the night of the 1978 All Star baseball game in San Diego, California.  The announcers were Vin Scully and Brent Musburger in the radio broadcast booth and a future Padres' playoff hero would win the MVP, Steve Garvey who played for the Los Angeles Dodgers at the time.   Some of the roster, several future Hall of Famers, included Rollie Fingers, Dave Winfield, Steve Garvey, Carlton Fisk, Pete Rose, Johnny Bench, Jim Palmer, Goose Gossage, Vida Blue, Tom Seaver, Carl Yastrzemski,  George Brett and Joe Morgan.  The AL took an early 3-0 lead but the final score was NL 7-3.

It was inevitable that our boys become baseball fans.  They played Little League and in All-Star games, and lay on the floor with their best friend, sorting through and trading their baseball cards whenever they were together.  We had a makeshift baseball field in our back yard, which groundskeeper mom kept mowed.  There were usually stops at the baseball card shop, next to Publix whenever we went to town.  They played catch with their Dad in the front yard and made memories to last a lifetime.  It became a part of our lives in future years as we continued to attend high school games when Billy coached in Jacksonville and Green Cove Springs and enjoyed going to out of town games at Jet Blue in Fort Myers, Florida.

I'm so thankful for these unforgettable lifetime memories, and for the love of the family that God has gifted to me.

Happy Birthday, Billy!   Enjoy your special day tomorrow!

#Words#Life#Waiting#Beauty#Yesterday#Today#Forever

The month of May has challenged me as I celebrated our anniversary, our oldest son's birthday, remembered the anniversary of my Dad's death on Memorial Day weekend so many years ago but still vivid in my heart, the loss of Bill's dad, our children's  Poppa Mills, when they were only 9, 7 1/2 and 4.  There were busy days with recitals, concerts, and recognitions without my love sitting beside me, knowing what joy he would have had in seeing these accomplishments of our beloved granddaughters...all reminders of the beauty of this life and the healing that God has granted to us.

For me, each day still begins with thoughts of my loved one, missing him yet thanking God and praising Him for the gift of another day, asking for His Grace and seeking wisdom and an opportunity allowing me to be a light in someone's darkness each day.

We are all involved in the struggles of life in a fallen world, we still sin, yet we are called to "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus,"  and the full glory of the resurrection remains in our future.  We have a choice to either listen to the deceiver who tries to make us think that our words don't matter or we can humbly walk with confidence in fellowship with Christ, radically dependent upon Him to direct our steps.

It only takes a short stroll through my home each morning for me to reflect upon God's Grace, His faithfulness and goodness in my life, to look at any of the framed photographs of my family, to pick up a Valentine's Day or anniversary card from the love of my life, placed on a shelf which are now even more precious, to read the words on my wall......In the morning when I rise, Give me JESUS,  or to glance at a bookmark with the words, "I can do all things through CHRIST  WHO STRENGTHENS ME. " (Phil. 4:13)  I recently came across a journal of sermon notes, written in my love's hand, and have been reading some of what he wrote to share with inmates in his jail ministry years ago.   I wanted to share some of those thoughts with you.  He writes "that there are no shortcuts to maturity.  It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and a full season for fruit to mature and ripen.  The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit.  The development of Christ-like character can't be rushed.  Spiritual growth like physical growth takes time.  Trying to ripen fruit quickly, either causes the fruit to lose its flavor or actually its flavor never develops.  We worry about how fast we grow.  God is concerned about how strong we grow, and views our lives from and for eternity, so He's never in a hurry."   "Growth is often is often painful and scary,  you must let go of the old ways to experience the new.  Let go and let God.  Habits take time to develop.  You can't claim to have integrity unless it is your habit to always be honest.  A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not faithful at all . There is only one way to develop Christ-like Character.  Have a humble teachable attitude and allow God to shine the light of His truth on our  faults and failures, only then can He begin to work on them.  In another entry  he writes about "our final home in heaven," "how we read a book and can hardly wait for the next page, (that's life here and now)."   He continues  "Eternity is the beginning of  Chapter 1 of the most fantastic story you could possibly imagine, which no one has ever read before and which goes on forever and ever.  Each chapter gets better than the one before.  Just as the nine months you spent in your mother's womb, were not an end to your existence, but preparation for life, so this life is preparation for eternity.  If you have a relationship with God through Christ Jesus, you don't have to fear death.  It is the door to eternity.  It will be your last moment on earth, but it won't be the last of you.  Only the real beginning.  Eternity measured against our life on earth is just a blink of the eye."

Last week, on a day in which I struggled, I decided to wash a lanyard upon which I've carried access entry cards for fitness room and pool areas during the last 8 years.  It was given to my love by the US Naval Reserve at an air show we attended many years ago.  He loved everything about aviation  and we attended air shows on bases in Florida and Arkansas whenever we could.  As toddlers, Katie, Lydia, and Natalie, and later Lia and Lily often accompanied us on our trips to NAS Pensacola and NAS Jacksonville.  Lydia began to call the "Blue Angels" plane at the main gate on NAS Jacksonville, "Grandpa's plane,"  and she would announce as we entered the gate,  "there's Grandpa's plane "  That still brings a smile to my face as I visit NAS Jacksonville.  As I prepared to toss the lanyard  into the machine, I glanced at  it, reading the words, "Stay strong" in quotes that looked like helicopter blades.  That reminded me of the day, almost 44 years ago that I received a phone call from the duty officer stating that my husband had been involved in a hunting accident and was being brought in by helicopter to our little hospital in Adak, Alaska and I should meet them there.  Those were his only words.  I called our best friend and he took me to the designated place, less than a mile from our housing area and took charge of our 15 month old baby.  Bill had gone caribou hunting in the tundra with two civilian friends.  They had parked their vehicle, a jeep I think and hiked miles into an area on a fairly mild day (50's) in August.  As they came to an area of somewhat mountainous terrain, they had to descend.  One of the guys had already descended the rocky slope, did fine and it was Bill's turn.  He felt that he had a better way of going down and began to slide, however he encountered a rock that entered his body, dangerously close to his spine and he began to bleed.  One of the guys had a towel which they stuffed on the wound, and the other, who was a runner took off running the miles back to their vehicle to radio for help.  My love told the story of how he began to pray and when the helicopter arrived, it was foggy and there was nowhere to land.  He continued to pray that the fog would open up and they would be able to lift him into the helicopter.  God answered that prayer, and gave us many more years to share together.  Last week also, God in His still voice, whispered those words "stay strong" as a reminder of His grace and mercy in my life.

Three weeks ago on May 11th, just the day before what would have been our 46th wedding anniversary, I was able to visit the National Cemetery, my love's final earthly resting place, and place two roses.  It was a beautifully serene experience with my family.   That morning I had begun the study of Revelation.  I journaled how the book  is a "revelation" of Jesus Christ, to his servant John, a blessing and hope to the believer of the promises of Christ!  John writes that he saw these things and was told to record them.  "Blessed is he that readeth and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand."  (Revelation 1:3)  I asked God to strengthen me in "this waiting" period, not to allow circumstances to mar my faith or be deceived by Satan.  (the day before, I had accidentally walked into the pool with my phone in my pocket).

In the days and weeks that have followed, God's Word in this book has been a blessing.  It is a reminder of His Sovereignty, His promise, His purpose and revelation, that all are beyond our comprehension and yet all will be accomplished.  His Word is precious and pleasing.  He tells us to "preach the Word," not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord.   Solomon reminds us to live wisely,  "a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." (Proverbs 25:11)  I've been reminded of  the message of Jesus to us as I read these truths penned and inspired by God and to apply them to my life, to hold fast to that which is good, that in His power any obstacle that comes into my life can be overcome.

Words comfort, they also hurt.  I was reflecting one morning of the lyrics to the song I used to sing with the preschoolers, "Be careful little eyes, what you see, be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little hands what you do, be careful  little feet where you go, and be careful little mouth, what you say. For the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little ones what you do."   In John 6:63, Jesus said, "It is the Spirit that quickened, the flesh profiteth nothing; the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit and they are life."  And so, we teach our children and grandchildren to speak words of kindness.

Today, God's promise dwells in our hearts.  We must live by faith. Paul writes to the church at Corinth.  "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.  We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair, Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;  Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body........Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.  For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.  For which cause, we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;  While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."  (2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 14-18)

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  (Hebrews 13:8)

There is a sign on my front porch, on a piece of wood put together by my love on his workbench, one of the last "honey-do's" he did for me.  He loved working with his hands, a Bible thought we often shared with the preschoolers in the years he worked by my side and told them to "work with your hands."   The sign is a reminder to me as well as to any who visit....

It simply says..."Accept what is, Let go of what was, Have Faith in God's powerful GRACE."

#Dreams#God'splan#ourfirstfiveyears#thelastfrontier#ourhappilyeverafter

Dreams

How does a young woman from a small town in the Keystone state (the only one of the original thirteen colonies that does not touch the ocean), who loves sunshine and as a child dreamed of visiting the ocean, meet a young man, blonde with blue eyes, from the sunshine state, serving the last year of his enlistment in the United States Navy as an Armed Forces Police Officer.  ONLY GOD!  

GOD'S PLAN

God's Word tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, a unique treasure to Glorify Him, and a chosen vessel shaped to show forth light in dark places.  He designed each of us and planted us in a season whereby He had a purpose for us to carry out His Plans.  

A few weeks ago, a special friend whom God brought into my life a few years ago asked me when I was going to write my next blog. From the day I met her, I felt a connection and she has been such a blessing in my life.  I told her I was working on it, and had a myriad of thoughts in my heart and soul, but it's always about God's plan and what He speaks to me through His Word and what He reveals to me each day.  As I've journaled quiet time thoughts in the last few weeks, from the first, second, and third Letters of John, the beloved disciple, I have been reminded of the legacy entrusted to us as children of God.  Perhaps as John penned these books, he was reminded of the words of Jesus as He shared with His disciples, "and why call you me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? (Luke 6:46)  The assurance of His Grace, as we stumble, seek forgiveness, receive His direction and strive to obey, live and walk in the truths of God's will and Word is a picture of the life of every believer. 

For me, the last sixteen months have been a time of trying to channel my sadness into the life that is now around me.  Time is softening my grief, milestones don't seem so overwhelming, and those difficult "First times " will always be there, as I go and do life without my love by my side, not able to share daily thoughts, reach for his hand, laugh at his silly jokes, read his precious notes, watch him as he poured over scripture, and pray with him each day.  Recent days have seen me sharing or hearing about  the accomplishments of our precious granddaughters, and I know how blessed he would have been to share in these times.  I rejoice knowing he is in heaven, experiencing even greater ETERNAL joy and it must be glorious.  I don't know what he is experiencing, what he sees or does not see, but if he could, he would be cheering me on to endure and focus on Christ, as I experience the sovereign, overflowing grace of Jesus.  "He will swallow up death in victory; and the LORD GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth, for the LORD hath spoken it." (Isaiah 25:8)

Our First Five Years

God brought us into the same room one evening, during the last week of January almost 46 years ago, we had an immediate connection, realized that being with one another made each of us a happier better person and decided we wanted to grow old together.  We got engaged in March, in the car on a ride home from a visit to Patuxent NAS, where he had taken me to meet friends that were like adoptive parents to him.  We got to my apartment, called family to share our joy, and made plans to marry the first weekend in May that he was not scheduled to work.  This month will forever be special to me, as I recall the words of a note he left for me, telling me of his love and reminding me it was "our month," "the one in which we would wed," "pledging our lives to one another."  We shared that we believed in God, had been in church during all of our growing up years, but were not in fellowship with God or part of a Bible believing church, during our first year.  In the spring of 1974, God began to reveal His plan as He led my love to reenlist and accept orders to Adak NAS, in the Aleutian Islands, off the coast of Alaska, the last frontier.  The word Adak is from the Aleut word adaq, which means "father."  We had lost a baby during our first summer and a sweet friend shared the words from Ecclesiastes 3, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens.  A time to be born;  and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted.......A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;......He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 4, 11). 

God showed Himself faithful and we were expecting a new baby in May.  We had received our official book of Adak and knew what to expect, winter squalls with winds in excess of 120 mph, climate described as precipitation, fog, high winds, a climate with only rare, clear, warm sunny days that reached the high of 50's in the summer, 265-355 days of rain or snow a year (100 inches of snow) per winter season.  Still, we were excited! (my adventurous husband about the halibut fishing and caribou hunting!) We had three packouts that March, one for storage in the US, one to be shipped to Adak, and one which would go with us as we traveled to Tennessee for school, then to California for additional training and would not leave the states (Washington) until October.  

We welcomed our firstborn, a baby boy, named after our Dads, in May (our month), filled with joy at this precious new life God had gifted to us, and then had another packout before going on the road in July.  My love would be stationed at Moffett Field, and I would stay with family near Salinas.  He would visit every weekend he could.  There was a final packout in California, and we were off to Washington State to visit friends before driving our truck to the shipyard to be shipped a few days before we boarded our flights to Anchorage, and then another flight to Adak.  It was fall, our baby six months old, and our Alaskan adventure about to begin.  Shortly, after arriving, God planted me in the midst of a ladies Bible Study, a Sunday school class taught by a man who preached the Gospel and encouraged scripture memory.  I realized I was a sinner, in need of God's redeeming Grace, and that God had sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins.  One day as I knelt in my living room, and cried out to God, He gave me the gift of faith, as I surrendered and became His daughter.  Bill gave his life to Christ at Revival services shortly thereafter and we followed Christ in baptism in the swimming pool at Bering Hall!  Hallelujah!  What a Savior! 

Our precious daughter was born in the Aleutian Islands as well, so it will always be one of the best times in our life. She was a tiny joy, blonde and blue-eyed like her dad.  Our lives were changed forever after our decision to serve Christ.  We attended worship in the Bering Chapel, a small building that included a chapel, nursery, a few Sunday school classes, a fellowship hall and a few offices.  We began serving in nursery, childrens' church, and headed the fellowship committee serving coffee, kool-aid, and donuts cut into small pieces which the chow hall donated every week.  We began hosting Sunday night fellowship in our home, and Bill led a men's Bible study.  It was a busy wonderful time in our lives.

As I think of those days, I remember the Thanksgiving of 1975, when with a 3 week old baby and a 17 month old toddler, we took emergency leave to fly home due to the death of Bill's brother, and then God worked a miracle on our return flight and brought me face to face with a former roommate who was now a stewardess for Reeves Airlines, the only airline to service Adak, Alaska.  We had lost touch and she now lived in Anchorage.  In the spring of 1977, we again took emergency leave to be with Bill's mom as she had open heart surgery.  During those days, we found time for rest and relaxation.  Though our toddlers had seen the Bering Sea, Lake Andy,  Lake Betty and Finger Bay as we saw the salmon running, in the Aleutian Islands;  that year they glimpsed their first view of the vastness of God's creation at the Atlantic Ocean in St. Augustine.  Though in the years before our marriage, I had finally realized my dreams of seeing the ocean in Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey and Virginia, nothing compared to my first experience seeing the ocean with my love by my side in his home state of Florida with our babies in our arms, for just a few minutes that day.  We returned to Adak, for the last five months of our three year tour.  I found out I was pregnant, but miscarried in the summer months, as we got ready to pack for our next duty station, Jacksonville NAS.  Though I had relinquished the difficulties of my pregnancy to God, it was still a sad time, but once again God showed me the blessings of our two babies that He had gifted to us.  And though I didn't know it until we arrived back in my loves's sunshine state,  we would be given a new hand in ours in the summer of 1978, another baby boy, born in Florida, and named after his Dad.

OUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER

God is so good!  Our children grew, and blessed our years together.  My love knew of my love for the beach.  It is my happy place.  Through our years, many of our family vacations were at the beaches, all over Florida...Daytona, Treasure Island, St. Petersburg, Melbourne, Clearwater,  Ft Lauderdale, Fort Walton, Panama City, Sanibel Island, Orange Beach,  and Gulf Shores, Alabama and others I can't recall.  The kids and I would go to the beach in the day and he would scout a place for him to fish at night.  And as we reached our senior years, we would watch the sunrise together in the morning and walk, hand in hand, watching the sunset at night.  

God gave us joy in life and strength and grace to endure the hardships that entered our lives.  His Word tells us that He wants to give us the desires of our heart, but they must always be in line with His will for our lives.  We made mistakes, and wrong decisions at times but God worked all things for our Good.  He was ever faithful, and provided for our family.  He blessed us with friends and family and memories that will live in my heart forever.  He allowed us to share in our children's lives, encouraging them in their school activities, chaperone trips, be a part of their high school and college years, and see them make decisions to follow the call of God in their lives.  We saw God's power in opening doors, and closing doors and saying not yet. He gave us beautiful daughters in love and He made a way for us to experience the birth of each of our granddaughters and spend time with them in their first years.  In the past month, God has allowed me to daily journal memories of their Poppa/Grandpa so that they will be able to read them when they are older and remember those times spent with him.  God has always given us inner strength and shown His unlimited resources through His power and that He alone is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.  And He continues to give me future Grace as I now walk another journey.   He has shown me that though I may not understand or get over the pain of missing my love, He will get me through it.  He is allowing me to feel the pain of others who may be walking a path or season of grief, showing me that no matter the color of grief, it is common to all.  Though He has taken me to a place I've never been before, I know His plan is always the best and His Grace ever-sufficient.  When I feel alone, and am missing the bond that marriage brings, that unbroken tie that bound my heart to his, and feel like I am a part of a puzzle that no longer fits, even with friends and family around me,  I need only to search the Word of God for truth, look for a glimpse of His creation, the touch of the wind, the smell of a flower, the sound of a birds's song, and most of all, the touch of His Spirit as He leads, guides, restores and comforts me, that He will bring the sunrise each day, that "in His favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

So to those who read these words, love one another, wives, love your husbands, husbands, love your wives, don't take any precious moment for granted,  hold their hands as much as you can, pray together,  with your children,  and grandchildren as you teach them to love, honor, and obey God.  "My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.  Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.  For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."  (Proverbs 4:20-23)

Blog 3

#LIFE#LOVE#LIGHT#FREEDOM#VICTORY Last week I began a journal for “our beautiful girls”, to share memories of days with their “Poppa, Grandpa, ” that they can read when they are older. An experience is not truly complete unless it has been written down and shared with another. It has been fun and thought provoking as well, and I pray it will be a treasure for them as they read my thoughts in years to come, as the Lord tarries. His Word is a love letter to us and gives us insight as we search for His wisdom each and every day. Friday morning as I wrote, this question began to stir in my heart, “how would my beloved want me to be living my life?” As I sat in the sunshine reflecting on his impact on my life and the lives of our family. I wrote “on this day it has been 448 days, 64 weeks since Poppa, Grandpa was gently lifted into the arms of Jesus.” I recalled his love for each of them and our children as I remembered the look on his face as he held them in his arms the day God had brought them into our lives placing their hands in ours and the legacy that he has left behind for us to cherish. As I began to ponder the question above, many emotions flooded my soul as I began to pen what their Poppa, Grandpa might have written to me. On the day that God, in His sovereign will, called his name, his mission on earth completed, we were 22 days away from the 45th year anniversary of the evening God brought him into my life. Through those years, we had exchanged countless notes, letters and cards, and I have been blessed in recent months to read many of his sermon notes and thoughts that he had journaled in gifts from our children, words on scraps of paper, in books or various courses we had shared in Bible Study, Love Dares, and words highlighted in his Bibles. It has been another gift from God that I hold dearly.. He would have wanted me to be serving and living in obedience to the Lord, loving life and pouring life into others, encouraging our children and being silly with our granddaughters. He would want me to be trusting and following the plans that God has for my life, listening to His voice and praying for the salvation of family and friends. He would want me to be passing out Grace rocks, opening my eyes and seeing always, the faithfulness and amazing Grace of our loving Father, and savoring the goodness of His Word. He would want me to be opened to the amazing heart of God as I witness the majesty of His creation, praising Him for all things, and remembering and giving thanks for every day, week, month and year we had shared together. I’m grateful that our loving God shows me daily forgiveness in those moments where I fail Him, especially in those times of grieving and allowing me to realize that He is using my loss to stretch my heart in ways I could not have imagined, taking my pain, heartbreak and empty spot to connect me with others who are suffering, that I might stand alongside of them. I find joy in witnessing the beauty of Spring, the gift of each new day, the sound of the birds singing in the trees, the flowers appearing on the earth, getting my hands into the dirt to repot a plant whose roots have spread deep into the soil, and placing new seeds into good soil which will yield fruit, growing and increasing and bringing a new harvest. And I’m thankful that God allows us to be stewards, sowing spiritual seeds, and desires that we bloom wherever we are planted. ALL GLORY TO GOD!

Treasures of the heart

Sometimes as I start my days, and give praise to God for this day He has made, my mind rewinds to a memory of a special event with family and as I replay it, there are often times I can’t pinpoint exactly when it occurred, but have a particular time frame in which I think it might have happened, so I’m off on a search to check my quiet time pages for those months when I think it may have been to see if I recorded that special day on paper.

Then there are days when I just have to get outside and see the beauty of God’s creation, and enjoy the quietness and stillness of the morning as I search His Word, and just sit and listen as He takes me on a journey through memories and words of truth from scripture that are hidden in my heart. 

Today it was all of the above.  As I paged through a journal from February of last year, I reflected on those days when tears came often as I struggled to accept my life without my love beside me.  In some ways, it seems like an eternity ago, yet the memory of those last days, that last week and month that we shared together, prayed and waited for God to unfold his plan for us  in St. Augustine are fresh in my heart.

This has been especially brought to mind as I listen to Pastor Bryan’s messages in our “marriage relationship series” and he shares in the theme “Fight Night” and putting the “gloves on.”  As I reflect upon our marriage, I recall those times when we each wanted our own way, gave one another the silent treatment or said words that were from a hurting place, but also remember how God worked in us and through us, challenged our hearts and brought us to the realization of our love for one another, that He had made us “one” and allowed us to share words of love and forgiveness.  Years ago, I was told that the most important 11 words in a marriage are… I love you, I was wrong, I'm sorry,  please forgive me.  

I’m reminded of the commitment that my love, Bill and I made on our wedding day, vowing to walk together and had promised to love, until death parted us.  In a prayer that we shared with our family and friends, we spoke of the endless joy as well as the hardships and disappointments we knew would come on that road before us and that much that was ahead was uncertain, but the one thing that was sure, “Faith, hope, love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.”   It was not until the next year, when God in His marvelous plan for us, took us to a remote island in Alaska, where we realized our need for a Savior and truly understood how He would grant us Grace and He would diligently work all things for our good and His Glory  The words that we had shared on our wedding day took on new meaning, as we prayed that He would temper our hearts with kindness and understanding and get rid of pretense and jealousy, and walk beside us, through all our life together.  

This Saturday will mark one year ago that our family gathered at the Jacksonville Military Cemetery and shared our thoughts and said an earthly farewell to our loved one.  His spirit was led safely home.  On January 4, 2018, not even contemplating that the next twelve hours would be his final hours on earth, I had whispered to him, “Jesus is holding you tight,” and Billy had softly spoken to me, “and He is holding you tight too.”  Our loved one’s mission on earth was finished early the next morning, January 5, 2018.

Our days are numbered, each is a gift!  As I reflect on that, the words of a poem from my school days play out…”For I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep.”  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost.

Thank you, Lord for your Word today, for the knowledge that earthly trials are only for a season (temporary).  Through them, you refine our faith.  True faith is that which cannot be destroyed, it is tried with fire.  We have been redeemed by His blood, and “can stand fast in the liberty, wherewith Christ hath made us free and are not to be entangled with the yoke of bondage.”  (Galatians 5:1).  

I think of the words in Matthew, chapter 16, when Jesus asked Peter, “But whom say ye that I am?”  And then told him, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”  And for the truths of Mark 4:25…”if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.”

I'm so thankful for the gift of memory, how God uses our past and present, and future Grace with that blessed hope and the promise of Victory in Jesus!

What an encouragement it is for me to be a part of our church REVERB, as we together are challenged always to love and share with others that they may be brought from darkness into God’s glorious kingdom of light.

Our Journey - GRACE rocks

Our Journey - GRACE rocks

Happy Anniversary my love

Forty-six years ago, I stepped into an elevator in the high rise apartment community where I had moved several months before.  I saw a flyer for a “come and get acquainted” fellowship the next evening and decided to attend.  When I entered the room, I saw a threesome engaged in conversation and went down the stairs to join them.  I introduced myself and one of the guys shared his name.  We made an immediate connection and spent the evening getting to know one another and dancing.  I may have talked with others that night, but don’t remember anyone else.  At the end of the evening, Bill walked me to my car and asked for my phone number and as they say, “the rest is history.”  He was in the Navy, stationed in DC and a member of the Armed Forces Police.  I was a legal secretary and worked at a law firm near the White House in Washington, D.C.   We talked on the phone, he brought me soup when I was sick one week, and I knew that God had given me a special gift. Because he was on swing shift, we exchanged notes and cards during the week through our reception desk mailboxes located in the lobby in our respective apartment buildings.  Within 35 days, we knew that we wanted to share our forever together.  He proposed on the way home from Patuxent River NAS where he had taken me to meet some special friends.  We stopped to take a walk in a little town before coming back to call our families in California, Pennsylvania, Florida and Minnesota and tell them we were engaged and to get ready for a wedding.  The next weekend, we drove to Pennsylvania and Bill met my family. They all loved him.  I got to know his family through letters and phone calls and didn’t meet them until a few days before our wedding when they traveled by train and car.  Seventy days after our engagement, we shared our marriage vows, promising before God to love and honor one another until death parted us.  

From the day God brought us together, He gave us 44 years, 11 months and 8 days of treasured memories. We found enjoyment in simple things, God’s special gifts, realizing that everything was from His hand, a season for everything, “a time to be born, and a time to die,…….a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”   I was reminded of those verses in a note from a friend when we experienced the loss of our first baby.  There was that wonderful day for each of us when we realized that we had missed the mark, and needed a Savior, and how God drew us, with loving kindness and infinite patience and as we repented, gave us the gift of faith, and His mercy and Grace, indwelling us with His Holy Spirit and making us a new creation in Christ.                  

There were incredible joys through our years together, “best days” when together we experienced the wonder of holding our three newborn babies in our arms, and times of  laughter and tears that all parents experience as their children grow.  There were baby dedications, seeing our children surrender to the Lord, vacations at the beach, Kindergarten graduations, ball games, field trips and concerts, riding school buses to ROTC meets and a special trip one year with innumerable stops on the way for an overheating radiator to Carnegie Hall in New York City.  There were those days when your heart is about to burst, when you hear each child’s name announced as they graduate from high school, and college.  Later on, special wedding days and welcoming two more daughters, and then down the road, becoming grandparents to five beautiful granddaughters, and now witnessing their love for the Lord and being obedient to His call in their lives.

There was heartbreak and sorrow as well, as you stand by the side of your loved one as he and you grieve the loss of parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, and friends, and the loss of another baby through a miscarriage, times when your children are experiencing great hurt and you can only encourage them and pray for healing in their lives.  In those times, God’s mercy and faithfulness was new every morning, we were not consumed, because His compassions failed not.  Once again, the joy of the Lord gave us strength.  In 1975, we experienced three miracles from God’s hand…..the endurance from a friend as he ran miles to get help when Bill was injured in an accident in the tundra of the Aleutian Islands and the fog parted to lift him into a helicopter, the birth of our precious daughter a few months later, and then four weeks later reconnecting me with a friend whom I had not seen in years as we boarded a plane in Anchorage, Alaska on our way back from emergency leave after a death in our family.  He goes before us and directs our steps in the way we should go.  “….favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

There were times of separation,  days when he was on temporary duty assignment in service to our country, weeks when my love was on a job in the Middle East, and through the years too many days that he spent in the hospital for health issues, but there was always a chair by his bedside for me and our children when they were able to be with us.

This last year has been one of monumental grief, tears, and trying to find my way through the tunnel to the light at the end, missing my love’s presence, his hugs, his tender smile, his arms around me, his sweet notes, and words of love, the completeness as he held my hands in his as we prayed, and his arms lifted high as we worshipped together.  There is still an emptiness when I look at his favorite chair… I feel a hole in my heart and soul, but God is mending that hole.  He has cared for me, never let me down nor did He forsake me.  Missing the love of my life will always be a part of me, we were soulmates and he loved us with all his heart.   But God is the ultimate healer.  He has increased my faith, given me knowledge and molded me and strengthened my relationship with Him, showing me insight into the hearts of others. He has gifted me with deeper compassion and understanding of those who are hurting as they walk  through difficult times and are in need of comfort.  I have grown spiritually during this time possibly more than at any other time of my life.  I no longer feel as if I am on autopilot. Every day is precious.  I don’t know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.  I have hope in the Lord and I want to know Him as never before.  His Word continues to teach me, and I see the beauty of the journey that is before me.  He has given us His promise and pledged that He alone will fulfill and accomplish His purpose, for His own Glory. 

As I reflect on God’s goodness, and His everlasting love, and search the scriptures, there is a constant reminder of how He establishes our hearts with Grace.  I must remember who He is and whose I am, that Jesus sanctified us with His blood, rose from the grave, and is coming again.  God has a plan and purpose for each of us and promises to show us the way.  He has given us the everlasting Gospel to work in us that we might do His will, and do that which is well-pleasing in His sight.   Reading from James 1:1-2 this morning, I’m reminded that we are to count it joy as God uses our trials to refine us.  I ponder the thought…”God uses those most, whom He has bruised the most.”

No matter the season, whether it be on the mountain, in the desert or valley, there is nothing that grips our hearts that we cannot give to Him.  He draws us nearer and He gives us rest. 

“You made known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16!!)

He has called us by name.  We are HIS!  All Honor and Glory to God!!!