Visions and Dreams - Sharing the Story

 As I awoke this morning, I began to think of the upcoming days in my life.  GOD is bringing me to a closing of another chapter and the beginning of a new chapter in my journey through life.  We don’t know what our future holds, but as believers we can be assured of the one who holds our future.

Reading from Psalm 25 the last two days has reminded me that it is God, my Lord and Savior, who shows me His way, teaches me His truths and leads me in His path, only as I place my trust in Him.  From somewhere in my past, the words “young men and (women) see visions, old men (and women) dream dreams.   Then I thought, we must do both!  We must see visions and dream dreams. Proverbs 29:8 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish.

Those words sparked a memory of a beautiful and favorite hymn.

         “I love to tell the story, of unseen things above, of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.  I love to tell the story,  because I Know ‘it’s true,  It satisfies my longing, as nothing else can do.  

Refrain: I love to tell the story, ‘twill be my theme in glory, to tell the old, old story. Of Jesus and His love.  

          I love to tell the story, for those who know it best, seem hungering and thirsting, to hear it like the rest,  And when in scenes of Glory, I sing the new, new Song, twill be the old, old story, that I have loved so long.”

Beautiful words that penetrate my heart and lead me to share part of my personal testimony.  

Our first year of marriage was filled with Joy and challenges, then sorrow as our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and hospitalization for both of us, however God’s assurance from Ecclesiastes 3, gave us hope and reminded us of God’s sovereign design in all things.  As my love was preparing to get out of the Navy and begin a new career, the oil crisis hit our nation.  We found out we were pregnant again and staying in the Navy seemed the wise thing to do and God answered prayer in providing us with orders for accompanied sea duty.  It would mean three more moves that year, the first including getting ready for three pack outs, one for permanent storage for three years, the second for household items, personal clothing and our larger bed for my 6’4” husband; which would go by sea to our final destination and the third, necessary Items for the next seven months, especially baby items for our little one due in early June, that we would load in our pickup truck.  Our second move would be in summer from the volunteer state to California, where my love would be in training and I would stay near the Artichoke center of the World, and our third move to the Aleutian Islands.  Backing up a bit, when we arrived at the military hospital to check in for baby’s delivery, we were informed that they had reached their quota for deliveries in that time frame.  We were given a list of possible doctors we could use, and told to select one and call for an appointment in the closest city.  After finding housing in a small apartment complex with attached units, most of them military families, we settled in and enjoyed fellowship with neighbors in the adjoining stoops in our backyards..  In mid May, Baby came early after a long labor, and we were blessed to welcome our first born son, named for our dads.  Less than 2 months later we were on the road again, crossing the country in our pickup, the bed of a buggy secured between the dashboard and the back of the seat as our baby slept when he wasn’t in my arms.  Our third move, when he was 5 months old, took us up the coast, north to Seattle, then from Anchorage to Adak NAS, in the Aleutians, the birthplace of the winds and more importantly where we welcomed our precious baby girl a year later.  She was three weeks old when we were called about the death of a family member and took emergency leave to come back to the lower 48.  During our time home, we extended our leave and drove North to introduce our babies to our family, then drove back to St Augustine to return the borrowed car to family, and fly to Washington state where we celebrated Christmas with friends, before our return to Alaska. 

It was also during our years in Alaska that I realized that something was missing in my life.  I had attended Sunday school and church, had gone to classes as a young person and been confirmed and accepted into the church as a member.  But I had missed the mark and knew I did not have the assurance of salvation.  One day, I knelt in my living room, confessed my sin and my need of a Savior.  I believed in His birth,  that He suffered for my sin, was raised from the dead, and gave His life that I might live and is coming again.   He gave me the gift of faith through His Grace and brought me to Himself.  I shared my decision with a chaplain, and  followed in believer’s baptism in a swimming pool one Sunday night.  My life and desires changed.  I was a new creation.  Old things passed away and all things became new.  We started Bible study in our home, prayed and sang scripture choruses, accompanied by guitar and had sweet fellowship sharing hot chocolate and homemade caramel popcorn. 

During our last year in Adak, I went through a difficult pregnancy and was placed on bed rest.  I prayed for God’s will, and miscarried our baby.  I was saddened until God allowed something to happen that made me realize how blessed I was to have two babies that were gifts from Him.  Ten months later, the gift of our second son was placed in my arms, born in the native state of his dad, whose name he carries.

So whoever we are and wherever we are on life’s journey, we are called to boldly share the truths of the Gospel, to be a light in the darkness and to give the Glory to God,

From my heart…..

I fell asleep in my recliner last evening, as often occurs, and realized that it was after midnight, and already our anniversary.  I was tired, the activity counter on my phone which remained in my pocket the entire day, said that I had taken 17,041 steps yesterday, over seven miles which included walking and doing yard work, repotting, planting and pounding some edging along the mulched area by my patio so tiny sprouts would not be weed whacked by the landscape crew.  

Woke this morning, and memories of my love brought tears to my eyes.  I reached out to the spot where his head would lie as I do every night and every morning.   I didn’t check my phone until after 8:00 AM, and found messages from each of my children, letting me know I was in their thoughts with a note from our oldest son sharing that he would be live on Facebook with a morning devotional at 7 AM.  I had already missed it, but was able to find it and listen to it.  He shared about how God uses experiences from our past to teach us and help us grow spiritually, that if we are not in the midst of a storm now, there is one on the horizon, but to remember that Jesus is our anchor.  As I listened I remembered one of his dad’s favorite songs, "the Anchor Holds."  It was a song that our youngest son and his beautiful wife sang many years ago when we visited them in Argentina.  If you have never heard the testimony of Lawrence Chewning and the inspiration of how it was written in a time of deep heart and open brokenness, and listened to him singing it  "his way," it will speak to a part of your soul and touch your heart as never before.  Most of us are familiar with it being sung by Ray Boltz  after he asked for permission to record it.  I also thought about the faithfulness of our daughter, who calls me every day to give me encouragement and the joy of being able to see her on Mother's Day..  

This morning, I saw a memory pop up on my Facebook page written two years ago which shared my thoughts during that time.  It was an emotional experience but  I can look back on the journey that God has given me and know that He will continue to lead, as I seek Him and the season that is ahead, trusting in His Grace and abiding in His presence.  

I pray that the message written then might be an encouragement to someone in their walk today.

#Remembering#Pastgifts#PresentBlessings#FutureGrace#God’sFaithfulness#MercyForever

Today, I would have celebrated 45 years of marriage with the love of my life. I am sad that we cannot make new memories, but give glory to God for every precious moment of the life we shared together. I’ll never forget the words my love wrote on May 1, 1973, in a note that he gave to me….”this is ‘our month,’ he said, “ in 11 days you will become my bride.” I loved when he introduced me to others “as his bride.”

God brought William Edward Mills quietly into my life on January 27, 1973, at a get acquainted party in the apartment complex where we lived in Virginia. After sharing conversation and dancing most of the entire evening with only him, he walked me to my car, asked for my phone number and the next week brought me soup when I was sick. It soon became evident that this was the man with whom I wanted to grow old, the one God meant for me. His love changed my life and made me want to become a better person. In March, he proposed on a trip home from Patuxent River NAS where he took me to meet special friends who were his adopted family when he was stationed in Rota, Spain. We stopped in a little town, Lexington Park, MD, and took a walk, holding hands, excited about sharing our news with family and beginning to plan our marriage.

We exchanged vows in a little chapel on May 12, 1973, and on that day as we knelt before God, family and friends, we shared a prayer that I had written and given to our guests. In part, it said..

“Father, our hearts are filled with great happiness. This is our wedding day. We come before you at the altar of love, pledging our lives and our hearts to one another.

Grant that we may be ever true and loving, living together in such a way as to never bring shame or heartbreak into our marriage.

The marriage service leaves us looking out along a road that leads to endless joy. There will be hardships along that road, and disappointments.  Much that is ahead is uncertain, but some things can be depended on as absolutely sure.  “Faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”  Temper our hearts, O LORD, with kindness and understanding and rid them of all pretense or jealousy.

Help us to be sweetheart, helpmate, friend and guide, and together may we meet the cares of life more bravely.

May our home truly be a place of love and harmony where your Spirit is ever present.  Bless our wedding day, we pray, and walk beside us Father, through all our life together.” Amen

God gently took my love home on January 5, 2018, 127 days ago. I miss him so much, his gentle smile across the room, his hands holding mine as we prayed together, his little love notes left on the kitchen island, and his special way of saying, “Have I told you today how much I love you!” I miss sharing our thoughts, his finishing my sentences, and me finishing his, or saying to each other. “I was thinking the same thing.” I want to feel his arms around me, laugh at his silly jokes, dance in the living room, and watch him with our granddaughters, as he makes tiny footballs with paper drinking straw wrappers, and shows them how to kick “field goals” across the table between “finger goalposts.” I want to walk beside him, holding hands as we give thanks for the awesomeness of God’s creation, or lift our hands in praise and worship at REVERB church. I want to listen to him talk to our children and hear him telling them “he loves them.” And I long to share those moments when I would see him with his Bible open and meditating on God’s Word.

As I grieve, and wonder how long this ache will remain, and I ask myself how long will my tears continue to fall, I am learning that it is OK to cry, that it is normal to have unpredictable emotions, that I don’t have to put my grief in a time frame, I can let others know when I am struggling, and I can come to Jesus and He will give me rest. I must run the race, live in faith, believing the truth, and “look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.” HE has already blazed the trail and finished the course. I must walk in it, live my life with joy, rejoicing in the God who made me, loves me and “is acquainted with all my ways” and understands when inevitably, the tears come again. When the heaviness and emptiness in my heart feels like it won’t go away, I must move forward, and the light will return. Though the process may be painful, it will happen only as I abide in Him. I have the hope of the resurrection, the return of Christ, and know with HIS assurance that everything will work together for my good and HIS GLORY!

I remember the songs that I had asked my cousin to sing on that day 45 years ago ”The Lord’s Prayer” and “I’ll Walk with God.” The words were an inspiration to us then and even more in my life today.

I pray daily for God’s forgiveness for not always understanding His will, that He will help me to lean on Him for strength, and that He will place others in my path who need someone to listen, so that I can encourage them. I thank Him for the love and support of our children and friends, for His faithfulness, enduring promises and mercy and for His continuing Grace in my life. And I’m thankful that my beloved is where he longed to be, his heavenly home. “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.” (Psalm 27:4) The man God chose for me loved his family, it made him happy just to be with us, however, God was calling him.  It was his appointed time.  There is no more pain, no more difficulty breathing…his spirit now “praising the name of the Lord, our God for endless days.”  He is happy to be with HIM!

“The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might, He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they that wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

I have found that my loss has heightened the love I have for my loved ones. Each of them is experiencing grief that is uniquely their own. God is not surprised by any of our responses and He alone knows our needs. Though I have lost a part of my identity, God’s unfailing love is ever with me and has made me more aware of other couples I see. When I spot a husband waiting patiently for his wife while she shops, watch couples shopping for groceries, observe a husband do an act of kindness for his wife, simply see them holding hands, worshipping, walking in front of me with their arms joined or crossing the parking lot together, I immediately pray that God will bless their lives together. And I will be reminded of the gift we all had, a husband, Dad, Poppa, and Grandpa.

So on this day, I remember our journey together, recommit to walk this new path by faith and celebrate his life. And as I write and say these things out loud to the LORD, my GOD, I’m encouraged by these words…..“when my heart is faint, He leads me to the rock that is higher than I.” Thank you, JESUS!

RunningtheRace

As I thought of all that has transpired in these last weeks, as most of us "shelter in place," I am reminded of the freedom we have in our God, our creator and our protector and how comforting it is for us to look to Him.  On our weakest days, He walks beside us with healing in His hands, holding all wisdom, delighting as we pursue Him and spend time in the WORD.  "Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday and today and forever."  (Hebrews 13:8)

My heart lifted yesterday as I was finally able to connect with one of my aunts, instead of getting her answering machine.  I had talked with another aunt several days ago, who said as far as she knew, all four (in their 80's and 90's) were well and doing OK, although one who is in Assisted Living was unable to see her family.

We talked about the "toilet paper shortage," and I shared with her my conversation with my granddaughters last week, relating to them,  that as a child, my grandparents did not have an indoor bathroom on their farm, and the only paper available in the "outhouse" was the Sears catalog or assorted pages from almanacs, etc.  That was our toilet paper.  My aunt laughed and said,  "Yes, that is right, and I remember always leafing through the catalog, trying to find the softer pages."   The location of the outhouse, was next to the pig pen, so we didn't linger long, coming out to the old fashioned water pump which was under a large tree and pumping hard, then dashing to  catch the flow and wash our hands with cold water.  There may have been a bar of soap, I really don't remember, but that was the favorite place in my small world, sharing good times with my family at my grandparents farm.

I've been setting aside time each day to write in two "Reflections from a Mother's Heart," a family legacy for your children journals, that were given to me years ago, still not totally completed. "How will our children know who they are if they don't know where they came from." (John Steinbeck)       I have been challenged this week, and it has been a blessing to answer questions such as ..."what were your goals and ambitions and which have you been able to fulfill?; what fashions were popular when you were in high school and did you like them?";  "what did you wear on your wedding day?"; "how old were you when you met dad and what attracted you to him?"; "when did you first know you wanted to marry him?";  and "share some insights from Scripture that have guided your spiritual journey, "  part of my life to be interwoven forever with my children and granddaughters.

Today, I got a text reminding me of another memory,  a post that I wrote 2 years  ago.  It was a time in my life when I needed God's Grace more than ever.  He was so faithful to cover me with each step I took.   As the seasons of my life changed, sometimes struggling, I prayed for wisdom to seek His purpose and plan for the days ahead.  I'm so thankful for His steadfast love and the support of family and friends during those days.

So, I decided this month's blog would be a reprint of that post, a reflection of some of the "Aprils of my Life."

Tomorrow marks the 90th day of my new journey that began on January 5, 2018, a day which changed the lives of our family forever… not a path that I would have chosen, but a journey on which God has placed me… a new assignment. “O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.” (Jeremiah 10:23).

Each morning when I awake, I see your smile as I open my phone. I am of the “flip phone” few and recently found a picture on my phone from a New Year’s Eve fellowship at our church in 2014. Several minutes later, I encounter the words, “In the morning when I rise, GIVE ME JESUS,” on our living room wall and glance lovingly at your face in pictures that surround me.

On the wall below the “Small World” clock, I see one of you with all of our granddaughters in a frame that says, “Me and my girls,” and on the table near by, a family picture from our trip to the Keys. The inscription on the frame reads, “A Life Remembered” Years ago, when you were stationed in Rota, Spain, and on flight crew, you used to fly into the Keys quite frequently. You always wanted me to experience the sunrise and sunset in the Keys, and we got to do that together on Thanksgiving Day, 2013.

On this day in April, I think of all of the special April days we have shared. Our first April, we were planning our wedding in May, trying to coordinate places to stay for all of our family that would be arriving from California, Florida, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Minnesota, and West Virginia. We would be meeting parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, and friends, some of them for the very first time.

The next April, having been transferred to school on our way to a new duty station, we excitedly awaited the birth of our first child, due in late May, but who arrived early so his Mom could get to see his Dad pitch softball. April, 1975, a month before our second anniversary, found us in the Aleutian Islands, excited about baby number two, who made her special entrance in November, a few days late. She did not want to be born on Halloween. That April we got to see the beautiful flowers in the tundra, as the weather in the “Birthplace of the Winds” began to warm up just a little.

Two years later, on an emergency trip back to Florida in April, our little ones experienced their first glimpse of the ocean and sand, and a few weeks later, a train ride to Pennsylvania to see my family, before flying back to Adak, Alaska.

April, 1978, found us transferred to sunny Florida, awaiting baby three, who would become your namesake, born in July in your native state. My heart welcomes all of these memories of Spring, as it reminds me of a favorite verse.. “The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.” Song of Solomon 2:12

God has been faithful. He gave us beautiful “Aprils," in our journey together, strength to prepare the soil for tiny plants that would blossom into beautiful flowers and juicy berries and vegetables, a trip one year to Tennessee in April to spend time with a sweet young lady, who would become our daughter in love. In April, 2002, we were blessed to go to Portugal and share in the wedding of our youngest son and his beautiful bride and meet her wonderful family. Several years later, on a special day in April in Portugal, we welcomed one of our precious granddaughters into the world. We learned that God is good, and makes “all things beautiful in His time.”

The last few mornings in Psalm 119, and particularly this morning’s reading, have spoken to my heart. It is a reminder of the work and ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life, to cause me to see and understand, to open my eyes and recognize that God has allowed afflictions that I might experience His faithfulness, and have confidence that His promises will be fulfilled. I can find joy in the truths of His Word. “Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Let your mercy come to me, that I may live, for your law is my delight.” (Psalm 119:76-77)

TO GOD BE ALL GLORY!

#FOREVERLOVE

#ForeverLove

My inbox, mailbox, Facebook, TV and newspapers are all filled with ideas and suggestions for the celebration of Valentine’s Day, as well as the tiny little box on my computer that shows a clock stating “Valentine’s Day Tomorrow.”   Difficult to ignore unless we are wearing a blindfold!   I didn’t purchase a single card this year, but yesterday filled my counter with colored paper, 3X5 cards, magazines, glue sticks and lots of clip art so that two of my littles could make cards for their mommy and daddy. I decided I would text all of our girls and guys with a picture and memory that spoke of how much their Dad, Poppa, Grandpa loved each of them.

Memories of Valentine’s Day are special to all of us.  Cards my love and I exchanged, and those we received from our children fill a dresser drawer in my garage and some are displayed on a mantel or shelf, including the last one I received from my love in 2017.  On the day that God brought us together, in that unforgettable year, it was just eighteen days before Valentine’s day and so my first card to him had a friendship message but we both knew in our hearts that God had something very special planned for our lives.  He asked me to marry him just seventeen days later.

Thoughts of what we might have done tomorrow flitted through my mind as I trimmed bushes and pulled a few weeds on this beautiful breezy February morning.  Friends often share that they love our “love story” and I am forever grateful for the simple blessings, Grace and Mercy that God allowed us to enjoy as we journeyed through life, side by side.

Since Valentine’s Day falls on Friday this year and  Friday mornings were often filled with doctor appointments, we might have driven to town, and my love would have asked where I wanted to have lunch, already knowing what I would choose, as I knew that at some point in the day, he would enjoy a large chocolate milk shake with no whipped cream but extra cherries so he could give them to me.  

We would have exchanged cards and maybe a small gift.  My last Valentine gift to him was a plant he had admired at a garden center but decided it was too expensive.  I had gone back early the next morning, purchased it, then widened the flower bed and planted it near the hummingbird feeders.  It was right outside the window closest to his recliner, where he could see the beautiful flowers. 

His last Valentine card to me, showed an older couple, sitting on a bench together as they gazed at a Giant heart with Hallmark’s message, “We may not have invented love, but I think we’ve made it into a fine art.”.   He had written inside  “Don’t you?”,  shared of how “his love for me had only grown deeper year by year” and, “see the couple in the picture, that could be us in 10-15 years.  I love you.”  

Love is not bound by a day or season.  It is the answer always!  It was God’s gift to us, that unconditional love of Jesus on the cross at Calvary that paid a price we could not pay, and the only thing that will make a difference in our lives today.  As I read from HIS WORD each day, the words speak to my heart.  As long as He allows me to be on earth, I must be faithful, and do what He calls all of us to do, love others, and “show forth His righteousness.”  (Psalm 71:1-6)

Whatever your path, draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.  Share Christ with others.  “Whom have I in heaven but thee?  And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.  My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”  (Psalm 73:25-26)

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

#LIFE#LOVE#LAUGHTER#LOSS#LEGACY

#LIFE#LOVE#LAUGHTER#LOSS#LEGACY

2020 has arrived.  Calendars are placed in front of the stores reminding us it is time to begin a new year, make resolutions, and choose goals for the year.  The front page of the planning calendar that I purchased this week says “LIVING MY Best Life, directing to me to LOOK INSIDE!  The first page gives me a block for ‘my personal mission statement.’  The succeeding pages offer columns, and blocks with ‘to do,’  ‘notes and doodles,’  ‘dates and appointments,’ ‘ birthdays and events,’ and ‘goals.’    The top of the page says “THE TIME IS NOW!”  It invites me to fill in what I am loving, thankful for, excited about, and where I am going for that particular month.  On the opposite pages are the blocks for each day with an encouraging message at the top and a short message on the bottom right corner.  January is ‘New Year FRESH START,’  and the bottom corner reminds  me "You got this.'   In the back, there is a page for VISIONS, DREAMS, 

 INTENTIONS, PURPOSE, CREATIONS, ACHIEVEMENTS, PLANS, AND GOALS and columns for personal, family, career, health and fitness, relationships, home, finance, travel and leisure.    WOW!   Then there is ‘notes and such’ and the words, “I’D BETTER WRITE THIS DOWN…(Got it half price and a coupon - $5.00)  Needless so say, I am a little overwhelmed and know that I will not use every option, but it is challenging and I am encouraged that a Marketing consultant or team in a publishing company put a lot of thought into what the consumer might want and need in a planner.  The most important thing, though, is to be aware, of what we truly need.   That is His presence, His Power, His Plan, His Provision, and His Protection, in our lives every day.

I love calendars.  I am not a techie, so I don’t use the calendar on my desktop or phone.  I write things down.  I remember as a child, and the beginning of a new year at my grandparents’ farm house.  I was tasked the job of taking down the calendars from the previous year and putting up the new… the calendars were spaced out all over the walls in the big kitchen with the wood burning cookstove, supplied by banks, hardware and feed stores, insurance agents, gas stations, etc., in various sizes, some with pictures and others just plain.  Some may have been brought by sales people but it was like wallpapering a wall with calendars.  I loved my days spent there, and helping my grandmother do anything she needed, except maybe replacing the flypaper, when it was filled with flies.  

I thought about my personal mission statement for 2020 and wrote the words - “Embrace God’s plan, trust in His ever present Spirit, praising His Holy Name, and waiting on Him for final Victory:  I desire to speak boldly to those who need Christ, to show forth the majesty of our Great God.  I peeked at February “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF’ and March ‘STOP WISHING. START DOING.  These are not scriptural, but good thoughts.

My reflections at the beginning of a new year, forever changed 730 days go, when I and my family experienced the greatest loss of our lives.  My love completed his mission on earth, his spirit was lifted into the arms of JESUS and given everlasting rest.  I will always remember the words whispered to me, “we’ve got to let him go, Mom.”  I had been packing that week, family had arrived for the remainder of the week to prepare for our move on the next day, we had signed papers Wednesday, two days prior,  for the close of our home, followed by a walk through in our new home, and with the help of our daughter, had dropped off some “handle with care” items at a temporary storage unit in St. Johns, because we didn’t think everything would fit on the U-Haul we had rented.  We were scheduled to close on our new home three days later.  That Thursday morning when my love shared that he was having difficulty breathing, and asked me how much more packing I had to do, I said that wasn’t important and asked him if I needed to call 911 or if he was able to ride in the car.  He said he was OK to go in the car and we headed to the ER.  Our granddaughter got a wheelchair and helped him and pushed him to the reception area.  After his vitals were taken, we were placed in a room.  A little later, our son arrived and before the doctor came in, I hugged my love and whispered, “Jesus is holding you tight honey.”  And our son, whispered to me, “And He is holding you tight too, Mom.  I will always remember a quote of Corrie ten Boom in her book “The Hiding Place,” which I wrote in my Bible and have kept in my heart for many years.  She said it this way, “When Jesus takes your hand, He keeps you tight.  When Jesus keeps your tight, He leads you through your whole life.  When Jesus leads you through life He brings you safely home.”  Later that afternoon, our daughter arrived and in the evening, our oldest son called and then FaceTimed with our girls,  and my love was able to listen to their encouraging words of love.

I am thankful that the faithfulness of God has directed every step of the way, even on the darkest days, and given me His sustaining Grace, a deeper understanding of his Word, a more compassionate heart and confidence in His Omnipotence, His Omnipresence, and His Omniscience in all that lies ahead.  He has never forsaken me.  This morning I read the words of David’s heart in Psalm 55:16-17,  he cried  “As for me, I will call upon God, and the LORD shall save me, Evening and morning and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and He shall hear my voice.“ Though we can be blinded by our sin nature, we must continually seek strength in Jesus as a new creation in Christ, knowing that His death  judged our sin and His righteousness removed it.  I pray daily to put on the whole armor of God, that  I be taught to number my days that I might get a heart of wisdom and live every day to its fullest.  My journey has been of God’s Grace.  It has been only by His power that good things have happened in my life.

Our love story began almost 47 years ago this month.  I came home from work one day to the high rise apartment building where I had recently moved.  As I stopped to get my mail and entered the elevator, I saw a sign with details about a “get acquainted gathering”  in the fellowship room of the next building on the following Saturday.  I had been busy on the weekends, putting together a Plexiglass divider to separate my efficiency into two living areas and laying wall to wall carpet in my entry area, the living area, vanity and walk in closet.  I decided to go to the gathering and drove my car to the front parking area of Building one.  As I entered the front door, got directions to the party, and walked down the steps, I noticed a group of three, two guys and a gal, in front of me.  I joined their group and introduced myself.  One of the guys, a tall, blue-eyed blonde said, “Hi, I’m Bill.  We were both Miami Dolphin fans, and began to talk about the recent Super Bowl VII, which Miami had won, defeating  the hometown Washington Redskins. It was Miami’s perfect season.  We danced, talked and danced, and talked some more, and at the end of the evening he walked me to my car.  and asked for my phone number and he called the next week.  I was sick and he surprised me with chicken soup.  We talked on the phone that week, went to a movie on his next night off, and he asked me if I could drive him to the airport the next weekend so he would not have to leave his car.   I said I would.   We met 17 days before Valentine’s Day and I already knew that he was going to be special in my life.  On my lunch hour one day, I thought about getting him a friendship card.  At the airport that Saturday, as he went down the steps to the flight area and out to board the plane, I gave him the card and asked him not to open it until he got on the plane.  He told me later that he wanted to ask the pilot to turn the plane around.  Three weeks later,  he took me to meet and have dinner with friends at Patuxent Naval Air Station.   They were like parents to him and he had spent a lot of time in their home at one of his duty stations.  As I helped in the kitchen later in the evening, I sensed that this was going to be an eventful day in my life.  On our drive back to Virginia, he asked me to marry him.  We stopped at a little town, and took a walk, holding hands and window shopped.  When we got to my apartment, we called our families and asked them to come to a wedding in the Spring.  I wrote to his parents and one of his sisters, and talked on the phone with another sister and the next weekend, we went to Pennsylvania.  He met my family and we both met and held my new two week old nephew.  They all loved him, but still questioned, how did I know?  I knew that when I was with him, I was home and we wanted to grow old together.  We were married ten weeks later in a chapel on the base in Washington, D.C. with our family and friends from California, Florida, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Minnesota, Washington, D.C. and West Virginia.   We found places to stay for all of our family that stayed over, a bunch at my apartment  on my one bed, my only chair, which was a bean bag, and the floor, a few guys stayed at Bill’s apartment, and we were able to rent TDY housing at the Air Force Base for the others.

In our first 17 months of marriage, we moved 4 times, and lived in 5 different states, Virginia, Maryland,  Tennessee, and California, spent some time with friends in Washington State before boarding a flight to Anchorage,  with our 4 month old son, named for our fathers, and on to the  Aleutian Islands.  We loved our home there, it was our first real home, where we welcomed our baby girl, her dad’s angel, a year later, and where the Holy Spirit drew us to Himself and we were saved.  Not because of anything in us, but by God’s gift of faith through Grace, belief in his virgin birth, death, burial and resurrection, and repenting of our sin and because He delights in it.  Our lives changed completely.  Together we welcomed young single guys that Bill brought home from work and those who were deployed without their families. They became part of our family and adoptive uncles of our babies and shared Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner in our home.  We also met neighbors who had a baby our son’s age.  We made a lifetime friendship which has endured for 46 years.  Three years later, God directed us to Jacksonville NAS Florida, expecting our third baby, who was born in his dad’s native state and bears his name.

I am so very thankful for our journey together and cherish the memories.  I miss my love every day, but his spirit lives in each of us.  His smile welcomes me as I open my phone each day, with a picture taken on our last family trip out west, made possible by God’s grace.  There is another picture where he is holding a measuring cup of coffee on the balcony at the beach on one of our mini vacations. As I cleaned my glass top desk in the den this week to make room for my new planner,  I found an envelope with family pictures on an adjoining shelf.  I remembered helping him put the desk together, along with the stand that holds my computer and printer,  about 8 years ago.   It was fun looking through the pictures, choosing some to add to my new “so very grateful” frame on the wall with pictures of our children and granddaughters with their Grandpa/poppa.  There is another, in the den, of a young man newly enlisted in the U.S. Army above a gift that says, “Dad, a son’s first hero” and on the opposite wall, one taken on our 40th anniversary cruise.  It simply says Live every moment, Laugh every day, and Love beyond words.  There is an album entitled Living a Legacy given to their dad by our children one Christmas.  The front says,  “All that we are we will pass on to our children - our loves, our hopes, our dreams, our character.  Therefore, let our thoughts be planted in rich soil and let your actions stand tall in a child’s eyes.  Just as fruit does not fall far from the tree, children do not stray far from their heroes. “  The words in the dedication inside are beautiful, written by our children, thanking their dad for his love, for teaching them what it means to be faithful, honest and kind, for allowing them to know what family really means, and shares  pictures of the countless joys, we shared together.  The pages are titled “Your Bride, Your Firstborn, Your Angel, and Your Namesake, the Future, and Becoming a Grandparent,  and each of those pages hold photos of every one in our family at different ages.  It also contains scribbles and drawings by our girls who would look at it with their Grandpa and I, and then find it themselves when we were traveling and it was in the pocket of the car.  I remember the year they worked on it and the hours spent putting it together.  It was truly a labor of love.

Another gift, a frame holding the graduation pictures of our three says “Priorities” and the inscription which reads, “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”  Thank you my children for treasuring your dad as much as he treasured you and saying the words, “out loud.”  He taught me much as we journeyed together and does so, even now as I find his written words in notebooks, his Bible and journals.  I recently found a sheet of paper that granddaughter three had left at his breakfast place on a visit to Florida.  It was her name written a few times, and a tiny heart on it.  He had placed it in his Bible.  God was and is faithful, speaks to my heart and directs my steps every day.  “You make known to me the path of life, in your presence is fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”  Psalm 16:11

As I read the words of David in Psalm 55, the other day, “Oh, that I had wings  like a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest.”  (Verse 6)  I thought of my love and those who pass into His presence, that leads to eternal life.  I praised God for His faithfulness, for continuing to heal my heart and soul, and for the gifts and love and laughter that He allowed us to share in our marriage.

This blog has been long.  But I can’t close without sharing some of the words of John Piper.  He writes that as believers, “all we will get from God this year is mercy.  Whatever pleasures or pains come our way will all be mercy.”  Romans 9:16.  “It depends not on human will, but on God, who has mercy.”  “The fullest obedience and the smallest faith obtain the same thing from God: mercy.

A  mere mustard seed of faith taps into the mercy of God’s tree-moving power.  And flawless obedience leaves us utterly dependent on what we do not deserve.”

He reminds us that “the holy wrath of God is a horrible destiny.”  (Revelation 20:15)   He says “Flee this brothers and sisters.  Flee this with all your might.  Isaiah 55:1. “Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the LORD:  look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug. (7) Listen to me, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law;  fear not the reproach of man, nor be dismayed at their revilings.  (12-13). I, I am he who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the LORD, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundation of the earth, and you fear continually all the day because of the wrath of the oppressor, when he sets himself to destroy?  (15-18) I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar__the LORD of hosts is his name.  And I have put my words in your mouth and covered you in the shadow of my hand, establishing the heavens and laying the foundations of the earth, and saying to Zion.  ‘You are my people.’”

So sweet friends, may this be your goal in 2020, to share His Word and His love with others.  As Jesus shared the parable of the Lost Sheep to the grumbling Pharisees and scribes, so may we endeavor to follow the great commandment.

Luke 15:4-7 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it.  And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’  Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous who need no repentance.”

ALL GLORY TO GOD!